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2001-12-10 05:54:15 (UTC)


so i really should be asleep right now.
but...coffee is a bad thing sometimes.
i got a lot done today. and that makes me happy.
i have too much to do. but. im managing.
unlike a lot of people i know..
but whatever.
i love emily.
a lot.
i really think that all of this is really good. i really
do. i think that it will be the beginning of a much need
peace...and im glad. im glad in more ways than i can
express. i dont like seeing people i care about unhappy.
and part of me thinks that a lot of issues have been the
result of this unsettledness. but then again...i think we
all have things that need to be resolved. especially young
people. i think realizing things of this sort will bring,
have brought, much needed relief. and...thats beautiful.


so sandy imed me tonight.
amazing how people change..
but...shes happy. and im glad for her
and im glad. just from that 8 min semi convo that we had.
yes i am glad for a lot regarding that issue.
but ill get into that another time.
or actually...i dont even think it needs to be explained.
i dont really even think i could.
but now i have peace..
a lot. and seeing her will probably make it even better.
"you wouldnt even reconize me now..."
song lyrics.
its crazy man.
and now.
now i am thankful for change.
for her and i both.
for everyone.
strange mood for me tonight...
i never thought id be saying shit like that man.

nothing i can do.
and she knows it now.
and no matter what she is trying to convience herself of.
she knows deep down.
that i am right.
and she knows...
she fucked shit up with me.
and im sure its hard for her to admit that.
and she might not ever.
but yeah..
things will be different from now on.
i couldnt even look at her.
more change.
but you know.
im okay.
and thats what really matters i suppose.
i need to learn how to be more self serving.
im working on it.
it seems like thats how you have to be in this world now.
and yeah that kinda sucks but..
so do a lot of things.

yay for the waffle house.
that is my comfort zone.

speech tomorrow morning..
i miss emily.
i miss bob.

i thought id never be done with them you know.
with all of them. friends...love.
and yeah...
yeah im not who i was then.
and they arent the thems i knew then either.
and so you know.
i guess its all really enevitable.
and now
im okay with that.
i wouldnt want them now anyway...
you know.
too much change.
and too much thought.
way too much of that.

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