*blank stare*
2001-12-09 20:51:10 (UTC)

New Beginnings

Shopping yesterday with Momma, Aunt Sandi and Allie was
fun, and extremely productive. If there is one feminine
thing about me, that is it: I LOVE shopping. Of course, we
began at 10 and by 4 my legs and feet were screaming for
mercy.We came home and I picked up Noah and Chris from
Chris's place. After that, quite a collection of people
came over: Kat, Jake and Jon, Mike, Bin and Steph, Brian,
Picard and Bob. Holy flippin' moly.
We ended up just hanging out, watching MST3K, after which
I banished everyone upstairs so I could clean up my quasi-
demolished downstairs.
Jake went into the big room to try to sleep (TRY- Key Word)
and everyone else but Jon piled onto my bed where we all
sat for while talking, laughing, and myself personally
being harassed frequently by Picard and Bob, who I was
sitting between. Everyone except Bob and myself, who had
dibs on my bed, and Picard, who opted for the den loveseat,
joined Jacob in the big room to lay down/smoke/make out/
fuck/ sleep/ whatever they all did.
Ok, I need to backtrack here for a second. In a recent
post (Jesus Christ on a Big Wheel one), I mentioned being
befuddled about Kosta, Jon, and a 3rd person.
Well for those of you who didn't know and are still utterly
clueless, the third guy was Bob. The whole thing with that
was before Kat came here to pick me for the girls' night
out last...uh...whenever it was, I IM's Bob since he hadn't
been online for awhile, and we talked dirty about lamp-
posts and male sluts and other such trivial things. I
informed him I that I'm no longer moving to Florida, as
Well about 2/3rds of the way through the conversation, he
asked me "You want to know what's funny?"
I told him I knew several things that were funny but he
could enlighten me if he so desired, and he informed me
that he had "the biggest infatuation" with me when he first
met me, but he found out that Jon B. liked me and,
incidentally, he was the one who convinced Jon to go out
with me instead of Steph when Jon was kind of juggling a
We had been in Portmouth that night, and I was head over
heels for Jon and wondering what I would do if he decided
to be with Steph. I was on a park bench smoking when Bob
and his trusty sidekick Seth happened by, and I opened up
and told them how I felt. Bob suddenly took off, while Seth
sat and talked to me somemore. When I went back to the
front of the square, Jon and Bob were both gone, and when
the returned about 20 minutes later, Jon came right to me,
threw his arms around me, and said "I chose you!" as Bob
meandered off somewhere.
Jon explained to me that Bob had nabbed him after leaving
me and Seth at the bench and they talked, Bob eventually
getting Jon to chose me.
So basically, Bob wanted to be with me, and he knew I
wanted to be with Jon. Jon didn't know who he wanted to be
with, so I guess Bob steered Jon in my direction both to
make Jon happy and probably me as well. Such selfless
individuals are scarce, although I myself have backed off
of guys countless times so that friends could move in for
the kill. Jon was the one exception to that.
But I digress. Sorry if this is confusing, as I am sure it
is. Most everyone knew that story anyway.
So I was with Jon from that night in August until the end
of October, and Bob never let on how he felt. He said he
hides torment well, and I told him I hope he never hides it
from me. Hopefully, he won't have to be tormented in the
first place ever again.
So ANYWAY (I know this is dragging, sorry), we went up to
bed, curled up together, and -you guessed it- started
kissing and talking, alternately. Curious, I asked him if
he had still liked me even through the long stretch (which
actually just ended Friday) when we didn't see each other
for over 2 months. He said yes, and the whole time...
August until last week, he never told a single person how
he felt, even after Jon and I broke up and it wouldn't have
upset anything if I found out. I asked him, then, why he
had decided to tell me now, and he said he had let me slip
away from him once, and he wasn't going to let it happen
again. That nearly brought tears to my eyes.
I asked him if he would have told me if I was still moving
to Florida, and he said no, which can't be right because he
also told me that when I IM'd him that night last week, he
had been in the middle of typing out an IM to me to admit
how he felt. And he didn't know until we'd been talking
awhile that I wasn't going. Oh well.
The whole night, I had been wondering if we were even going
to talk, or if everything was just going to disintegrate,
and he explained that he had been wanting to talk to me all
night, but people kept getting in the way, and that he'd
had to find out how I felt by the end of the night because
it'd been tormenting him for days. By that point, however,
I don't think I needed to say a word.
I said something, I don't recall what it was, and he made
some remark along the lines of, "Yeah, you're going to wear
the pants in this relationship," and I jokingly said in an
indignant voice, "Who said we were IN a relationship?" and
the poor guy just kind of stuttered until he realized I was
joking. Technically, niether of us asked the other out, we
just kind of knew that we were finally together- as perhaps
it was meant to happen. For instance, perhaps if Bob hadn't
gotten Jon & I together, I wouldn't have become friends
with Mike, Jon F, Jake, Seth, Norty, Bob, Kat, Robin,
Jess, Picard... any of the people who mean so much to me
now. I met all of them except Frances through Jon. So had
Bob not gotten us together, I might have never ended up
seeing each other again and we would never be together.
Fate is a fucked up- thing... if not for Jon, I wouldnt
have met Bob. If not for Steph, I wouldn't have re-met Jon.
Had I decided to not go to Steph's that day, my life could
be completely different right now. Had I not been sitting
on that park bench when Seth and Bob came by, or had they
not stopped or I not told them what was wrong, things could
be very different as well. So many different factors in
people's lives that no one ever thinks about, but they make
differences even months or years afterwards. Who konws,
maybe if I had my headlights on, wasn't pulled over and had
actually been able to keep driving, I would have gotten
into an accident and died or something. Fate is fucked up,
huh? Makes me wonder how things might be if times when I
had to make a decision, I had decided differently.
It doesn't really matter how it happened now, or why. The
end result is wonderful and both Bob and I are happy. I
don't think I have ever seen him this content and this
happy- I'm so glad he is, I just hope I don't end up doing
anything, accidental or intentional, to take it away. But I
dont see that happening.
Well it looks now like Bin and I are heading to Bick's or
something, since Steph is at home, Kat is working, and all
of the guys are in York, gaming. Peace yo.

Music: November Rain, by Guns N Roses