Ad 2:
2001-12-09 14:15:41 (UTC)


what is wrong with me.
why do i have to be the person i am.

god.. dis is all so wrong. .. i just keep on crying and
crying and it doesnt end anywhere.. what is it that i
fucking want huh?? what is it. tell me?? i screw so many
things up.
i feel so low. so real low.
my heart has so many things to say.. hopes and
disappointment.. i dont even noe where to start to
differentiate em..

i fel so bad hurting so many people.
its like theres this two sides of me. just one that
everyone sees but theres another one. the one that hides in
the room, the one that complain abt being fat.. the one
that is insecure, the one that shoots off her mouth without
thinking and the one that hides and refuses responsibility.

i am schizophrenic. but funny how i identify myself to be
one. what is wrong with me? i ask myself and i get the same
answer all the time.
ive thought abt this a whole lot and i think im afraid of
the future. i dont like foreign. im comfortable with
familiarity that i drag it down with me simply because im
afraid of new things.

i dont like it when people go away and leave me behind. be
it in de sense of distance or death. its like u go, and u
dont think abt what happens here with me? am i gonna
survive? i noe it sounbds egoistical and self centred but i
cant help feel so insecure abt everything...i hate to sleep
to close my eyes knowing theres a possiblity that i wont
wake up and die in my sleep.

it applies to everything else. there is so much uncertainty
in dis world. u dont noe whether u can really be yourself.
sometimes the worst of a stripper can be the noblest

i want people to see through me. see that i more than i
show. im not all that coward i think i am damnit.
and i say things that means otherwise. u should noe
it. ;its a reverse fad. its what people who are insecure
do. like clowns they mask their identity with wigs and a
red nose but they cry deep inside.

i noe most of u wont understand yet again what im ramblin
on but this is what is goin thru my mind. it sucks. this
whole feeling. i dont like to talk to myself. but i do so
much. i seek approval from everyone contraire to me saying
that im my own.