ashley

writings on the wall
2001-12-09 11:42:45 (UTC)

dreams....what do they mean?

Last night I dreamt that I nearly had sex with my ex.
I know I promised never to mention this name again but
dreams are beyond my control right? Maybe unconsciously, I
am still thinking about him. Or maybe it was because the
morning before, I was imagining how it was like to have sex
with him again...

I was at his apartment and I remembered that it was
raining. Sometimes I really wonder why I bother to remember
all those tiny details... I was wearing my panties and he
was naked. We started kissing and then he was rubbing his
cock against my pussy through my panties and I became
really wet. It was like real sex. Then I took off my
panties and he was hard. He was going to enter my pussy
when I asked him if he has a condom. He said that he
doesn't want to use one and I hesitated. In the end, we
didn't have sex at all because I insisted on him using one
and he doesn't want to. Then I woke up.

Why is it that in my dreams, I still can't forget his
selfishness? I remembered how he refused to use condoms
when we were in a r'ship. I was so afraid that he'll cum in
me and he was so sure that he can control himself.

Maybe my life is better off without him. I don't think
that I'll be happier with him. I will continue to be
insecure and he will continue to be the guy he used to be.
I know that there's no way that I can make him change. To
love somoeone is to accept him, his weaknesses and
strengths.

Watched Baywatch Hawaii again just now. Jason Momoa is
so damn cute and his body is so sexy. God, I wonder how
it's like to have that type of body rubbing against mine.
*sigh*