jenilee

My Fight With Life
2001-12-09 08:11:03 (UTC)

Running

For those of you who do not know, I was a cross country runner. I
wasn't great but I did go to the state my junior and senior year in
high school. I didn't make it to the state because I was good, I made
it because I loved to run. The first mile you begin to feel sick and
every muscle in your body aches. You struggle for air with every
step, you want to quit, but you force yourself to keep moving. So,
why run if it feels like that? The reason is because of what my coach
use to call 'your second wind'. After the first mile those feelings
fade, your breathing become steady, your movements become smooth and
effortless. It is at that point that you begin to feel (for lack of a
better word)...alive.

For me, I can feel the wind on my face and in my hair. All my
problems seem to disappear, my mind drifts to another place. I am in
control of who I am and where I am, yet I am in a world of my own,
where no one or nothing can touch me. I become in complete touch with
the inner me, where I find strength I didn't know I had. I feel that
I can think through any problem and find ways to solve them. It is a
feeling that doesn't last long but it is what makes a runner endure
the pain and keep running time and time again.

It is after 3am and I am sitting here wishing I could go out and run.
Even if only for a short time I want to feel that I have some control
of my life. I am not ready yet to face or even talk about what will
happen in the near future. I want to be able to forget for awhile and
just drift off to another place.




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