kid

clarity
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2001-12-09 08:01:27 (UTC)

Tired of nothing

I have a monster headache, wishing for a cup of coffee
and a ciggarette, listening to get up kids at 1:26am. Talk
about being retarded for things. You know honestly I have
been wanting to make a live journal forever but I wanted
one on livejournal.com but they decided that you need a
code that I coudln't get a hold of so I came to other sites
and thisone seemed decent. The reason why I wanted
livejournal.com was because many people that use that
program are people that I know but ehh......the main reason
why I wanted one was to get out everything and finding some
sense of clarity without talking to mayself.
Today was weird.... I woke up at 4pm because the night
before I was at a lock-in at peter piper pizza (haha) to
watch a couple of bands play. It was alrigh I
guess....played video games and ate pizza all night and
make fun on the bands that sucked. The peopel that I came
with wanted to leave so we had to weave our way in an
explanation why we had to go to the guy that was in charge
of the lock-in. After that we drove to IHOP had a
conversation for about two hours. It was ehh...but The
waiter was cute he asked for my number which I gave but I
ahven't recieved a call yet. Well I woke up at 4 cause
adrian was at my door and I forgot that we were supsoed to
have band practice. It wan't my band but ehh...not going
into that. His an my band were suposed to practice
together today. Anyway...their gutarist...eloy...I had a
huge crush on him last year..but he never seemed too
interested and I was miserable for a while. A year passes
and the he confesses that he had something for me but never
said anythign cause he didn't wnat a girlfrend....yeah....F
him. I was really "oh my god" about him. haha damn...I'm
a loser. They came over practiced for a while and took off
to wrapids. Then came back to my house while Adrian and I
played Devil may Cry (the greatest game yet) and I dont
know.........I think I still have a thing for eloy.
Crazy ....if only had you earlier "clarity" the people
that dont' read this would either have helped me out or put
me down for even loking at him the same way. Damn....this
is really long...to sum things short......I still like
him....as much as I despise the fact that I do.....I still
like him. I feel like Rob in High Fidelity screaming out
the window "do you see ourself on that list laura? you
coule maybe sneek yourself in the top ten but you just
aren't capeable of delivering that pain and heartbreak" or
something like that. but yes hes talking about his top 5
girlfriends that haver broken up with him that really
hurt....and hes not admitting that laura is the one he
loves....ehh...I dont' love eloy....but I do like
him...will I put myself up for the next pain and heart
break misery? See....for someone else I would have said no
to mysef right away...but for eloy...fuck..I dont' know.
thats what I hate abou this.....I've surrendered to him
already....when hes leaving me and shunning me out in many
ways but friendship ways. Ugh....he likes me last year
while I liked him but henever said anything and he ddnt'
ant a girlfriend at the time...so he stopped talking to me
which killed me. I haven't broken up with Ben yet because
I knwo I like him....but I know I can't fall for him....1)
he lives so far I never get to see him nor do we ever talk
2)I'm still hooked on eloy.....WHEN IS IT GOING TO END?!
somteims I say fuck it...why am I retarded over this?
Significant others aren't the main focal point of my
life...but when I see him I slowlystart to change my mind.
sometimes I think he feels the sae way for me...but most of
the times I KNOW he doesn't. ....I'm tired....haha night.


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