i_bleed_life

The mediocrity that is me
2001-12-09 07:33:38 (UTC)

Second thoughts and a roomful of regrets...

I find it so much more difficult to concentrate or think of
anything to write when these pills start working. What kind
of a sacrafice do I want to make to be happy? And is it
real happiness if it's drug-induced? Does it really matter
that the drugs are perscription drugs....
I mean, if I'm happy while getting drunk on the weekend or
I'm happy while I'm taking the damn pills, is there really
any difference? Both are drug induced.
And honestly, what price am I going to pay for happiness?
Because I don't find it worth it to keep taking these
perscribed pills if I suddenly become happy, and all I can
worry about is how to find shoes to match my new expensive
dress or whatever. Ya know? I think I'd rather live my life
being somewhat miserable then being a completely
thoughtless product of mass-marketing to teens.
Oh well.
If I start listening to NSync and the Backstreet Boys and
worrying about finding a date to the prom....then I know
something's wrong.
So yeah, that's my selfish thought for the day.
Have you ever wanted to really be there for your friends?
I'm not sure how to put this into words. Sometimes I just
know that one of my friends is going through a tough time,
and I just want to be there for them...ya know? Like
really, honestly be there. Because I know when have bad
times, I just want someone there to hold me and tell me
everything will be all right. And I just wish I could do
that for my friends. But the problem is, for one of my
friends, I can't. It's a long story, and I'm not going to
explain it now...maybe later, if you ask :)
But yeah...things aren't the same, and I don't know what to
do. I hate change.
Oh, and I've got to say thank you SO MUCH to the people who
read the last thing I wrote and sent something to me. You
totally made my day...Really, you did. Thanks :O)
Anyways, I'm done babbling for today...

Theme song for the day: Painted on my Heart by The Cult
"I still can't let go,
I've still got your face
painted on my heart
Scrawled upon my soul..
etched upon my memory, baby
And I've got your kiss
still burning on my lips..."