Joshin Jane

Passionfruit
2001-12-09 06:25:47 (UTC)

i think that holly you smoked was plastic....

we have the best connector impulses ever.
but it's almost 1:30 and i feel so alone, in a house of
music and food and life and light.
please don't go.
i feel like an empty shell, like i've lost my heart and
mind and soul piece by piece.
everyone has a part of me and i'm left with nothing.
i'm left aching and wishing i were whole and self-sustinant.
gone.
i'm listening to gone.
it's how i feel about myself, it's how i feel about you.
i feel that we lost something because i was honest with
myself.
those 19 words.
i'm happier for you now more than ever.
i've lost my fantasy of myself.
it almost doesn't feel like a fair trade.
the tears won't stop, they won't stop, and i don't want to
be hysterical and need becky and against my better
judgement i won't edit this, i'll just leave it as the
emotional nightmare it is.
i feel like i'm 4 years old, lying in bed in the dark,
scared shitless because i can't rely on myself to shield me
from the dark or rescue me from the monsters under the bed.
no one ever did that for me.
no one ever saved me.
i'm still scared to leave my feet hanging over the edge,
they might get bitten off.
why does it hurt like this, hurting and not even knowing
what or why.......