Butterfly

Fear and Injustice

This has been a truly beautiful two days. The rain has been
mysterious and last night we were blessed to have the most
gorgeous fog that surrounded the entire city and
neighborhood like a dreamy cape. I love it and hate that
tomorrow the rain will go away. I cherish each moment of
the rain because it seems to allow for great thinking,
reflection and a perfect time to read a book or write. Few
things compare to the feeling of writing with the rain
pouring outside. What I love now is that inside the house
our lights sparkle upon the tree and outside the droplets
of water offer breath and refreshment to the trees. They
possess a magic and enchantment all their own.
Those are the positive thoughts however. I am in terrible
fear of H. No matter how beautiful my day may be, thoughts
of him creep up on my like a venomous snake. I am six and a
half months pregnant with the baby, the baby that holds the
most sacred and devoted part of my heart, and I live in
fear each day of what he might do to take the baby away.
When he creeps into my mind, I think of the years of abuse
that I tolerated. I think of the beatings I took, verbal
and physical, I think of the slamming to the floor, I think
of him spitting upon me and calling me every name that
could possibly take me lower and lower, I think of his
cheating, and I am terrified. I fear for what he might do
to me, but above all, I fear for what he would do to the
baby. God, how can something like this happen in the world?
How can such pain come to such innocence? I am so very
scared…and when there is such a fear, there is nothing but
silence in a world where I want to scream out for help.