Thoughts arrive like butterflies
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2001-12-08 19:45:12 (UTC)


But god never blessed me.

Haha, ok. So I went to Leeds. With my mum. I thought it was
going to be a nightmare!
But it was ok actually.
We went to corn exchange to the leather shop, and I got the
most beautiful black leather halterneck.
I kept hitting my head on the lamp in the changing room
though, haha.
But it is really nice. And expensive £60!!!
Ok, so because it's ALMOST backless, I had to get a bra
with no straps, or CLEAR straps, and I NEED straps.
So my mum dragged me off to M&S and made me try on like a
hundred bras. I hate the idea of trying on bras. It's
just....horrible. But I needed a bra!
THEN I got measured. 34d/36c.
I ended up NOT getting one. They were padded. I do NOT need

Hmm so we went back to this french shop(Where I DID get a clear
strapped bra!) and I got a really
lovely purple corset kind of top with net over it. Which
I'm wearing now.

I FINALLY decided to get off my arse and get my friends
something for X-mas. I don;'t think I *should* be getting
anything for them, and I don't think I deserve to recieve
anything, because I'm not christian, and I'm a bad little
girl. But still, it's nice to know I feel loved and
appreciated. And it's nice to get things!

I feel really guilty because I haven't got my Mum of
Grandma anything yet, and they spend loads of money on me.
I will get them something just...when I have more money! I
have nothing.
I got my sister-2 books, Sam-chocolates, Abi-candle, Meg-
I need to get Sharron something.
And Jemma, if she's got me one, thought last night she said
she had, and we're not even good friends.

I like it that someone who's not close likes me enought to
buy me something.

Blah, last night was the victorian fayre. Haha, what a JOKE!
It's nice to see women in big dresses and men looking very
nice clothes and because Otley is an old place
with old houses, it's such a nice atmoshphere. But it's
just too comercial now.

BooHoo, some pricks were stood about calling me a wannabe.
ME a wannabe?!?!
They were wearing SOAD hoodies. There's nothing with SOAD
or m,ost of the fans, it's just most of them are only in it
for the image, to look hard and angry. Rebels without a
In death everybody fails to exist.
Then they threatened to kill me if I walked past thwem and
looked at them again. Haha, As if. I was so pissed off I
could have easily broken their necks, but there was about
15 of them...and one of me.

School----I got my "certificate". He said my name and I
didn't hear him say it, but no one got up and I just
started walking to the front. I wasn't scared of nervous,
which was weird, because I usually freal out and have a
panick attack or something like that.
It went really quiet when I got up, everyone stopped
clapping, but Abi, Sam, Sharron clapped. I think.
Oh well. I don't care.
It's not as if I need anyone from that school in my life,
besides my friends.
Media, I handed it in. I finally got around to doing it!
But they the printer didn't work. ANd I got stressed
and....irritated and..blah. But it finally did print out
clearly, eventally.
I need to do my English now. It's in for..Monday and I
hyasve a whole fucking section to complete.

Sometimes I just feel like crying because my school is so
stupid, but I don't cry and it turns to hate, and then that
then turns on ME because I can't harm anyone, so I have to
harm myself and I just hate it!

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