ashley

writings on the wall
2001-12-08 11:31:48 (UTC)

depressed...

I am depressed. God, help me. I can't get him out of
my mind and it's driving me nuts. I can't talk to him about
it because every time I hear his voice, my brain just
freezes and I don't know what to say. I know that it's no
use trying to tell him how I feel because I believe that he
doesn't give a shit. I really wonder if there is a new girl
in his life right now but it's none of my business, really.

I have been crying myself to sleep for the past few
nights, thinking of him and how he used to treat me. He
used to be so sweet...where was the Stanley I used to know?
How can he change so drastically? Is every guy out there
like him? Why can't I be just like him...taking r'ship not
too seriously?

I am wondering what is he doing now. I am sure that
he's surfing almost everyday. I remembered that he used to
tell me that his surfing board is his wife. I used to think
that everything in his life seemed more important than me
and I remembered the phrase he used to say "I know that
I've hurt you and I'll find a way to make up to you" I
guess I should know by now that he is not the type of man
who keeps his words...

Both of us are different in so many ways and yet I am
attracted to him. If it was not for a close friend of mine
who introduced us, our paths will never ever cross in this
lifetime. Maybe this is what people deem as fate. I don't
know if I should thank my friend or what because what
happened now was entirely my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have
rushed into this r'ship...

I promise that this is the last time that I will be
mentioning about Stanley in my diary. I have better things
to do than to waste my time reminiscing about the happy
times I spent with him. God, I really hope that I can get
over him before I get to Australia!


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