Blur

Another Pathetic Atempt
2001-12-08 08:13:03 (UTC)

Another Atempt at Starting a Journal


Uhhh, hello.

okay, so once again im going to try to
start a diary & keep it going. and once again its probably
not going to continue. I think its just a fase, i start
like one diary a year, and never manage to continue any of
them. blah. right now, things are messed. my brother is so
stupid, but i cant talk about that now. not in the mood &
plus, i have to save SOMETHING for later.
my grandma just died. and i cant seem to be sad
about it. im void of emotion. i didnt cry once, not even at
her funeral. i dont know, if i had felt sad about it, then
it would have been fake. i would have fealt sad not because
i genuinely did, but because that is what was expected of
me. she needed to die. she was in pain and suffering, and
if she had lived, it would have been torture. it would be
selfish to want her to live. i cant imagine dying slowly,
each day loosing more and more consiousnes, knowing that
you are dying but not being able to do a damn thing about
it. *shudder*... i guess you would know that you are going
to die. you'd probably feel it. if i died today i wouldn't
be ready. there's too much that i haven't done...
im trying to figure out whether
or not i believe in God or a "higher power". i know that i
dont believe in fate, i dont like the thought of not being
able to controll my own life. i think that theres
something... whether or not its god, whether or not
it "created" the earth with a purpose, i have no clue.
maybe the bible is just a metaphor for something. im one of
those wierd anylitical people who questions those kinds of
things. i love the shows on like Discovery Channel that
have "the search for atlantis", and "Uncovering BigFoot".
lol im such a dork. sigh,

well its midnight, and alas, parting is such sweet sorrow!
No, not really. im reading romeo and juliet right now for
school, so im a little dramatic.

i suppose ill have another entery, so ill cya

~Lexy




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