Forgotten Misery
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2001-12-08 04:53:53 (UTC)

Im losin it

Tonight was purtty fun I went and hung out with ashley
vance and megan stack and her friend and then ashleys
friend cara from were she works. We ate at steak in shake
then roamed the mall for a lil while then cara went home
and the rest of did some cruisin and were making funny
sounds at cars that would drive by noise such as moos and
all that good stuff. So now im sitting here at home
wodering were my boyfriend is and what he did tonight other
than fix his car. I really want to see him but i wont get
to see him this weekend im purtty sure cause im gona go
work concessions tomorrow night at school for the n/a fc
game im doing that for extra credit in espanol cause i need
it cause the last 2 test i bomed big time. and sunday will
be an all hell day i see it comin then next week will be
hell monday i have to go in for my psat results then tues
off to the good ole doctor for more test on me hence i have
been real sick and stress out big time so i have to go get
new looney bin people meds but i know one thing fuck paxil
fuck drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today at school wasnt very good considering marissa and the
fact of what she is doing to herself right now and i kept
yellin at her cause she doesnt know how much it hurts me to
see my best friend throwing away her life! So me and zak i
hope got to her today cause when she called me and was
cryin about her and the whole geoff deal she didnt remeber
it and that hurts....She doesnt know how much that shit can
do to u and how addictive drugs get this sadly i know from
experince. Another disturbing thing of the day was zak
came up and told me he had a dream about me and marissa
last night he dreamt that I had commited sucide and in turn
marissa did. See this is y me no open up to people cause
they get to involed wit me and see into the part of me I
want no one to ever ever see its hidden and damnit thats
how it should stay unless the person trying to get to me is
ready for a rough ride with me on my emotional ups and
downs of life which those who know me know the ups and
those who dont know my downs and we will never speak of
those again! Still wondering were the hell my boy is
probaly out with some of his girl friends figures spends
more time worrying and being wit them than he does me. and
o yeah to add to more stress bradon broke up with ashley
today due to the fact he choose his friend lauren over
ashley who ashley felt as something was there between them
and she told him how she felt he blew up and dumped her in
a fuckin note. Y do guys always pull that shit huh?? Same
thing happen with mari and jer and me and ryan and im
afriad soon all this bad luck is gonna hit me u know the
saying bad things happen in threes well we got mari then
ashley who next i pray to god not me and geoff im not sure
what i would do without him well probaly the same i do now
cause i feel without him heres a saying a friend reminded
me of today that i had came up with along time ago

I remeber so much
Yet the thing I remember mmost is
That my lonliest moments were spent usuully with someone by
that someone was u

not saying im using that as a quote of my life or anything
just makes me think and worries me im so afriad and i cant
help but wonder what does the past have in store for me im
afriad to find out my heart says no my gut says something
is to come.