Bethy90

You don't want to read this
2001-12-07 19:20:37 (UTC)

Courage

If the phone rings right now, I don't think I can answer
it. If I had to get up off this chair right now and walk I
don't think I could do it. Typing right now is an effort.
Oh hell, the phone just rang. Some stupid person wanting
to get a CD Player. Wonderful. I picked up the phone.
Surprise. I am really fed up with life. I love
Christmas. I love the music, the food, and everything else
that is associated with it. Except for the fact that my
family reaches a new heigth of dysfunction every year.
Just when I think things can't get much more stupid and
dysfunctional, they go right ahead and do it. My dad
manages to find some new, stupid ass thing to do every
year. I'd rather him do that than act nice to me like he
has been. I really don't think I can deal with him acting
that way to me all of break or even for a day of break.
Doesn't he understand that he is not OK in my book. He has
done too much for me to just accepted him full and free
into my life. Yeah, I should forgive him but I can't.
Rather, I don't want to. I don't want to. I was sitting
in the lounge reading and thinking that I just wanted to go
somewhere by myself for a really long time. Somewhere
really far from here.