karst4

Friday

I am in a bad mood as I noticed I'm in bad moods alot on
Fridays. I don't know why. No, scratch that, I do. I am
irritated and I do not feel like dealing with people at
work. I realized I have no control in my relationship with
my boyfriend. I am out-of-control. I used to be in
control but I am not anymore and it is driving me insane.
We haven't had a good day in so long. I got blown off for
the whole weekend and now he doesn't have any friends
coming in tonight. I am still going out with my
girlfriends and he wants me to. He doesn't care if he
doesn't see me. We're not getting along anyway, why would
he want to see me? It will be hard to break away. We have
too many mutual friends. It was hard the last time, it
will be hard again. Harder for me because he blows
everything off. He doesn't care. He used to care, when we
first started going out, then I knew he cared. Then it
faded and that is when I lost control. I was confident, I
am not now. I am an idiot dying for his attention, waiting
to get re-assured that he does like me, that I am important
to him. I don't get it. I push him away. I am miserable
and all's I want to be is happy.