My Life
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2001-12-07 13:59:03 (UTC)

Now he's interested...

It's been awhile since i've added an entry, i've been really
busy with work and getting ready for Christmas and my trip
to CA.
I saw Terry last Saturday, he invited me to his house for
dinner. He made me dinner! And he did really well. He BBQ'd
chicken breasts, made rolls, green beans w/bacon, BBQ'd
baked potatoes with butter and onions. I was really
impressed. Then we watched a movie, messed around a little.
And again, it got a little heated and I kind of stopped it
at one point. I'm scared. But he is so sweet, he totally
respected me, didn't say anything.

He's been on the road this week but I think I'll probably
see him over the weekend. I invited him over to help me
decorate the tree and I'm going to make him dinner, that was
going to be tonight, but i'm going to change it to tomorrow.
Tonight I'm too busy. I have to get some stuff ready to mail.

So yesterday I had this interesting email from the Farmer.
I'm including it, see what you think. It seems he is
interested and that I was right, he is not comfortable with
someone who cares for him. But the thing is, I don't want to
pursue anything anymore. My feelings have changed. Partly
due to his lack of effort, his stupid comment and partly
because of my feelings for Terry. He's just so good to me
and I like being with him, look forward to seeing him again.

Here's the email:
Hello Michele,

I was thinking about how much time it takes to get to know
someone, and how things that are said can be a lot larger
sometimes than they really are.

I am sorry that I offended you with some of the things that
I said, but I would be dishonest if I said that I believed that
openly homosexual individuals have the same rights in our
society as heterosexuals. We are products of our backgrounds
and experiences for sure, but I hope that I am
thoughtful enough to go beyond my knee jerk reactions.

I am glad to have you as a friend in my life, and enjoy
getting to know you as I discover a warm and caring fellow
human being. Also one with dangerous curves, but I do try
to obey the speed limit!!

I realize that you are dating other guys, and there are other
gals that call and write to me also. But you did hit the nail
pretty square on the head when you wondered about my
fear of intimacy.

I don't think that I would list it as a fear, but more of
something much more than a casual relationship. I think that
a good relationship takes a long time to build, and the
short intoxicating rush that comes from pushing things too
fast also burns out in a hurry.

Some people live and learn and others just live. So if
sometimes I seem slow, perhaps it is because I have learned
from my mistakes in the past.

I hope that things are not too hectic for you.

Bye for now,

I didn't respond to this email and I don't think I will. If
he calls I may talk to him about it. He says he wants to
build a relationship but his actions last time I saw him
didn't indicate that. He's an odd man.

I'm going flying with my guy cousin this Sunday! I'm so


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