Unholy and Dirty and Beautiful Me
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2001-12-07 07:02:42 (UTC)

Game On

Well, it's over and heartache left here. J
called yesterday and told me he didn't think he could go on
with this and I told him I wasn't surprised or hurt because
I felt the same way. I'm not sure where things turned icky,
but they did and I guess I'm relieved. I felt a lot better
after talking to him. So anyways, I told him that I'd drop
off his shit but he says he'll pick it up....says he'll
talk to me in the next couple of days (wtf?) and we said
goodbye. I will just drop it off if he doesn't come and get
it soon...

Was he shocked that I didn't break down and cry?

Did I make him feel like less of a man for taking it so
cool and letting him know that I wasn't about to try
working things out?

Is there a chance that he's harboring SOME regret and
perhaps wants to explain himself (ie.wanting to pick up his
stuff rather than have me drop it off)??

Things I may never know, it's through. J is not The One.

~had a small pecker
~played too many video games
~spent WAYYY too much time with a particular male friend
~talked too much
~seemed hung up on his ex
~was too skinny
~had ears that stuck out

(this is a fun thing to do when I'm getting over someone

Enough about us, let's talk about me....things are pretty
good right now. I'm so lucky to have the friends I do,
because they all love me unconditionally and even say the
same thing "Oh I should hook you up with one of so and so's
friends" etc.. I think I'd like to just have some fun,
hopefully flirt and not get hurt again. How many times have
I said this?!?! Why am I sooooo LOVE RIDDEN!?!?

I DO NOT need a man. I WANT a good one. I will not waste
my time with stupid little boys like this.

To the person who left me that really mean message,
swearing, calling me names and telling me that I have no
right to be mad because I cheated....

A) I was never married, therefore I did not do anything
really wrong. I KISSED the guy, I didn't grind with him on
the dance floor, invite him to my place for a rendez vous
or call him and ask him out. I enjoyed myself at a family
function that may have otherwise been a dissapointment as
my "boyfriend" at the time didn't even come with me. I had
every reason to be looking for a good time. I found it.

B) You are a FUCKING COWARD as you obviously couldn't bear
to identify yourself after leaving a lame-ass message such
as the one you left me.

I've considered calling M again, I really do like him....I
think I gave him a good brush off and probably made him
hate me.....I was laughing at him for wanting to put
marshmallows in coffee.....I think he was trying to be
romantic or something.....and I laughed at him....that and
the fact that I fooled around with him even though I had a
man at the time and told M. that I wasn't sure what was
going to happen with J. I can't expect the guy to jump up
and say "Alright! You're ready for me!! Thank goodness I've
been waiting for you!" because I think he has more respect
for himself than that. I've done the "backup plan" before
and it was fun to have a rebound guy waiting around, but I
don't think I'd feel too keen if a guy called me up after
telling me he was into someone else & wasn't sure where it
was going...then broke up with her & decided to give me a
shot. Nah, not a pretty thought!!!!!

So here I sit, almost done this beer & ready for bed.
Tomorrow is another day. Got plans with StC & maybe
JeM...and on Saturday JeM wants me to go to F with her &
this guy she's seeing & his friends....should be fun, he's
got VIP so that's cool.

I drink too much, smoke too much, sleep to little.
Amen. LOL.

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