i_bleed_life

The mediocrity that is me
2001-12-07 05:09:42 (UTC)

The musings of a lost soul

Some days are just off days. Some weeks are just off weeks.
And I suppose some years are just off years.
At least that's what I tell myself. Anyways, I have a
feeling I'm going to be all over the place with this one,
so whatever.
Wow, I just got that creepy feeling washing over me again.
The one where I sit there and just think "Holy cow, I'm
alive!!" Do you know what I mean? And then I get goosebumps
all over me, and all I can think is "I'm really alive" and
then I think about all those characters in the books who
aren't alive...but I am. I don't know how to describe it. I
used to get that same feeling all the time when I was
really little....like three or four...and i used to look at
my balloon lamp and think "Wow, I'm alive"
Pretty tough stuff for a kid, I guess. I honestly wonder if
all people look for a meaning to life like I do.
Strange, I wonder if I have complained about a guy yet.
Sometimes I wonder why so many girls tear themselves apart
for guys. I mean, do you really need a man to be happy?
You shouldn't. Or at least, I don't think you should. But
that's just me. And then I realize that for me, it's the
intimacy. Seriously. You can only get so close to one of
your friends. It's different when there's that sexual
attraction.
But I'm just babbling now. As usual. I dont' know, I just
miss the physical contact. I miss being touched...and I
don't necessarily mean that in a sexual way. I like being
touched, hugged, etc, etc. But yeah.
Anyways, now that I have depressed the hell out of myself,
I think I'm going to leave.
Living out of the norm, but into the box
I retreat once again.

Theme song for the day: "Come Undone" by Homegrown...well,
actually, it's originally by Duran Duran...but I like the
Homegrown version today.

"Who do you need....who do you love....when you come
undone?"