dragon_amor

Kami
2001-12-07 04:32:35 (UTC)

with a little help from my friends

I didn't know what to write tonight and in a way I was afraid to, so
I just added this -

----------------------------------------------
Never give out your password or credit card number in an
instant message conversation.

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
hey beautiful! sup

alex(hotrod) says:
lol hey

alex(hotrod) says:
nothin

alex(hotrod) says:
yoiu

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
not much

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
just getting ready to nestle up in bed and see whats up

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
oops

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
ok

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
just realizeed that sounded bad

alex(hotrod) says:
LOL

alex(hotrod) says:

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
open mouth - insert foot

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
er ya


alex(hotrod) says:

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
so whats new

alex(hotrod) says:
not much

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
awe

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
you never have any news lately

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
*
~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:

alex(hotrod) says:
i never have any news ever

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I'm not sure but i think I might be a little

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
yes you do!

alex(hotrod) says:
oh no

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
ya, Misty

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I dunno

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
maybe not

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I'm not sure how I feel about her now , thats all

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
we have been talking a LOT lately

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
n stuff

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
how is shonee doing?


alex(hotrod) says:
hes ok i think

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
ya?

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
still in recovery from everything?


~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
or is he pretty much healed now?


alex(hotrod) says:
everythign as in what?

alex(hotrod) says:
are huckleberry finn and the adventures of huckleberry finn
the same thing?

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
wasn't it his ribs

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
i think so

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I thikn so - regarding the huckleberry finn

alex(hotrod) says:
and no.. his shoulder and his knee

alex(hotrod) says:
i think hes ok from that now

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
but they were worried about internal bleeding weren't they?


alex(hotrod) says:
in his brain...

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
is my memory truely that bad?

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
ok

alex(hotrod) says:
hes ok i think

alex(hotrod) says:
thank you for asking

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
what do you mean thanx? Of course I'm going to ask!


alex(hotrod) says:

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
man I am sooo hungry I could eat a bear

alex(hotrod) says:
aww

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
but no food here

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
here kitty kitty

alex(hotrod) says:

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
lol

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
no cry

alex(hotrod) says:

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
got to wait til tomorrow morning.. LOL

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
you are funny

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
mood swing emoticon

alex(hotrod) says:
lol

~wH!t# 'FFFFAE?~ says:
that was cute

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I retard

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
me lick shoe

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:

alex(hotrod) says:
lol

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
can I confide in you

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
like more personal stuff that you are probably sick off?


~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I'm not all upset like when you met me or anything so don't
get worried or nothing

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I'm just affraid to get it out through my diary on this
particular point cause Misty reads it

alex(hotrod) says:
of course you can confide in me

alex(hotrod) says:
i dont know how helpful ill be

alex(hotrod) says:
but im always here

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
well, Misty and I met when I was 22, and she was 16 - we
both just got out of bad relationships and kept each other
company when we met

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
we fooled around once and it almost was...

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
but I wouldn't do it

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
so she was mad

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
but now proud of me for it


alex(hotrod) says:

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
and we've been best friends since

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
but

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
since a few weeks before my birthday she called

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
for 8 hours

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
did the "this whole time I've loved you " thing

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
"but right I'm happy with Ian" also thing

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
so thats cool

alex(hotrod) says:
right

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
but then since shes wanted me to record all the songs I
wrote since then for her - she has a book of poems she
wrote about me since I left Middleton (where she lives)
that shes making a copy of for me for xmas

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
and lately for over a week now shes been bringing up the
past incident that I wouldn't - talking about her body,
body messages, her sexual preferences, and so on

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
then she made a plan of coming up here for March break
without Ian

alex(hotrod) says:
im sorry but she wants you.... ian or no ian..

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
then suddenly today she was like ya, going to look for a
house with Ian Sunday, and thats all she really said and
went to bed tonight?

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
ian or no ian?

alex(hotrod) says:
with ian or without ian?

alex(hotrod) says:
i mean

alex(hotrod) says:
not 3some..

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
3 way? lol

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
ya

alex(hotrod) says:
but like whether shes with him or not

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
lol

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
oh

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
but why the sudden drastic change in tone tonight?


~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
threw me off guard - and I told her "ok, cool, um, ya that
just threw me off there, wow, ok thats cool"

alex(hotrod) says:
ee..

alex(hotrod) says:
i dunno

alex(hotrod) says:
soundsl ike trying to invoke jealousy

alex(hotrod) says:
im just going by standard girl knowledge here

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
well it worked

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
but I don't want to risk my feelings on that kind of thing
even though they are sorta now

alex(hotrod) says:
right

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
you know? I've had a rough 7 years and I don't want to
give anyone that seems like they could do more damage (aka
capable of cheating) a chance
alex(hotrod) says:

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
so are my instincts in the healing process and overreacting
or is that really kinda weird

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
they need a face emoticon thats scratching his head

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
so ya - I am very confused and ya you are right, I am
jealous

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I just didn't realize til you said it

alex(hotrod) says:
ok, from reudamentary knowledge of women and their motives

alex(hotrod) says:
if she doesnt plan to be with you and not ian

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
but I don't want to be so should I let go or is this a she
wants a chase thing or why do girls want you jealous anyway?

alex(hotrod) says:
then she wants you to want her and to love her, just so she
knows that youre there

alex(hotrod) says:
sort of just in case?

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
a back up?

alex(hotrod) says:
not exactly backup, but she probably just likes knowing
that shes wanted and loved

alex(hotrod) says:
by guys other than her man

alex(hotrod) says:
i geuss technically a backup

alex(hotrod) says:
but not so blunt

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
ok

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
so I'm "the other guy"

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
is it a bad sign if she is playing this that way?


alex(hotrod) says:
not necessarily

alex(hotrod) says:
i dont know how to explain it

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
oh?

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
well anything is helpful

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I'm a guy

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
and I'm pretty smart

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
for a guy

alex(hotrod) says:
by making you jealous, she knows that you want her.. and by
continuing to talk to her, and bring up sexual things, or
things she knows youd remember.. or hopesy oud remember..
about her body

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
but I'm still a guy so I'm pretty dumb

alex(hotrod) says:
she definitely wnats you to want her

alex(hotrod) says:
and she wants to know that you want her

alex(hotrod) says:
so she has to see you be jealous

alex(hotrod) says:
unless you come out and say it

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
hmmmmmmm

alex(hotrod) says:
in which case she could either dismiss and say why would
you say that when you know i have ian

alex(hotrod) says:
OR she would apologise

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
ya exactly

alex(hotrod) says:
or she would say she wants you too.. BUT.. (insert but)

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
thats why I'm affraid to write in my diray

alex(hotrod) says:
or she could leave ian to be with you

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
insert but?
~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
sorry

alex(hotrod) says:
well i dont know what her buts would be

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I don't think she would

alex(hotrod) says:
this is just the basic she-outline

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I could lay it on the line

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
but I'm sure I would lose for no good reason other than the
status-quo

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
thanx

alex(hotrod) says:
i hope i wasnt wrong though
~wH!t# 'FFFFAE?~ says:
you are so wise

alex(hotrod) says:
i mean i hope i was wrong

alex(hotrod) says:
cause that woudl be good for you

alex(hotrod) says:
but i hope i didnt give you bad advice

alex(hotrod) says:
you knwo what i mean?

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
no no

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
you gave me something to think about

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
and you are more suited to understanding women than I

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
so....

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
hmmmm

alex(hotrod) says:
we only sort of

alex(hotrod) says:
women are crazy

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
in a good or bad way?

alex(hotrod) says:
but trying to keep people loving you, even when your happy
with someone else...

alex(hotrod) says:
ive been there

alex(hotrod) says:
so i know a little baout it

alex(hotrod) says:
i dont know if shes like me though

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
ya?

alex(hotrod) says:
and i dont know if im like everyone

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I've never been there so I'm at a loss

alex(hotrod) says:
but that soundsl iek what shes doing

alex(hotrod) says:
and i think a lot of women do it

alex(hotrod) says:
so i think i might be right

alex(hotrod) says:
but she may be different

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
you know what was weird that Jade's uncle pointed out

alex(hotrod) says:
yea?

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
this is an aside but its related too

alex(hotrod) says:
k

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
hre pointed out that this summer when I was at the Ryan
families with everyone durinmg the funeral - he was talking
to me about Bree - Jade and Steve were there too

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
and he pointed out that when he asked me if I loved her I
did not say yes...

alex(hotrod) says:
oh?

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
when he asked me if I loved Bree in front of the people who
knew me longest in life I didn't say yes

alex(hotrod) says:
i got it

alex(hotrod) says:
but i was just saying oh

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
but I dunno - I'm a little affraid of letting myself feel
attached if I'm going to end up on the short end anyway...
jealousy sux... I better try to focus away from that and
more on the friendship aspect until she is someday
courageous enough to commit to her feelings for me if they
actually exist anymore. I think I need loyalty and
conviction from a partner right now if I was to have one.

The following message could not be delivered to all
recipients:
but I dunno - I'm a little affraid of letting myself feel
attac...

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I got cut off somehow

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
the last message I got was "but i was just saying oh

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
you there?

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
ok this thing is messed up

~wH¡t£ ¿ §€®ëþh~ says:
I'll email ya but I doubt you are getting these so