2001-12-06 23:29:07 (UTC)

Love, Or just deep care.

Okay, this is an add on to the previous letter, Now that I
think of it, Love.... It's self is such a big word with
lots of meanings. I see there something as two kinds of
love. Love in which you dedicate your life you someone...
A.k.a Marriage. And Love as being attracted to someone. I
am sure, I am not ready to marry Jessica yet, what I meant
was the I really care for her. I was the term "love"
loosely. I hate using the word "Like" it's sooo, soo so 8th
grade, and I'm sixteen now, and I am mature, but since some
people see the word "love" and think long term commitment.
I am definatly not ready for that kinda of love. If
anything (and I gotta use the damn word), Like Jess. She is
great, and I care for her, I don't want to see her hurt in
anyway. She just so special, but, I am definatly not in
"love" because, we are all teens....... We don't know what
love is yet, we are just hormone driven machines who can't
stop thinking of the opposite sex. I know I am, but I have
finally learned how to channel that energy and
become "clear" and mindfull. All the people who say Ilove
You, don't really mean it, because they don't know what
love is, they may think they are, but I doubt it. Jessica
posted on her diary, that she wasn't ready for a
relationship. That's perfectly fine with me,I respect her
and care for her so much, that I am not gonna pressure her
into doing anything she is not comfortable with. (keeping
in mind, we know about alot of things about eachother, but
we really don't know eachother that well.) Seeing that what
I said in the last diary was too sever, I am not changing
my feelings for her, but just stating that fact that when I
say I "Love" her, I really mean "Like" her. I hope to grow
more into her, and too help her with anything she needs,
thats why I am attracted to her, because I care deeply for
her, and I don't want her to get hurt. Back onto the
subject, I don't believe that I ever really trully loved a
girl. Because, I know what love is, having sex before
you're married, thats not love, You may say, "Oh I love
you" but we really don't know what it means. Now not all
people believe that, and I think that some people might
have trully loved, but i'd say most of them have not. Also,
I love Jessica for who she is, not just her outer
apperence, (although, she is beautiful, and she has great
eyes.) But I love Jessica for her inner qualities. (Yet
using the term "love" loosly.) All I want for her is to be
happy, and If she doesn't want to go out with me right now,
I am perfect with that, because, if she did do that, and
she didn't want to, it would hender the relationship. I
hope she sees this and realizes, that although I did, (but
not to the exact extent.) mean what I said, that it just
wasn't that drastic, and I hope in time, she will be ready,
because, she is special, and she is original, thats what
makes her who she is, and thats what I love about her.
A wise man once said, "love is not how you say it, but how
you show it, no matter who it is, male or female."

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