Squeeb's world
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2001-12-06 17:10:41 (UTC)

A disease?

You know how you can be an alcoholic, a workaholic,
shopaholic etc? And how they're all diseases? Well I think
I'm a Scott-aholic. I can't help it. I say his name too
much, I think about him all the time... the memories are the
best. But the fantasies are good too. I just want to hold
him and never let go. I'm still waiting for that hug... I
can actually feel it sometimes... is that weird? But it
keeps me going and I just... So anyways, onto my
Scott-aholism. I haven't talked to him since last Monday so
I'm suffering withdrawal. I have also wanted to talk to him
and touch base because I've been defending him a lot lately
and I want to make sure it's worth it. So anyways, my
fingers were itchy yesterday and I just HAD to talk to him.
So I emailed him. Haven't heard back yet but oh well. I
doubt he's been on. I just wanted to tell him where I'd
been, that I was thinking of him and missed him and I also
dropped a hint that I would be at the hockey game on
Saturday in case he decided to show up... oooh, I think I
would die. Seeing him is like a dream for me... it's been so
long. I wouldn't mind just hearing his beautiful voice. I've
been substituting Kurtis's voice for his lately just cuz I
miss him so much. Hell, Kurtis IS my substitute for him.
He's big enough that sometimes when he's on the ice, I just
pretend he's Scott. I dunno, I miss watching him play. I
miss HIM. I know it's not exactly right using Kurtis as sort
of a replacement but nah, I like Kurtis for himself too so
that's not so bad, is it? And it's not like I'm dating the
guy or anything- THAT would be bad. Anyhoo... enough.

Current mood: perplexed
Current music: "That Girl (Will Never Be Mine)"- N'SYNC

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