writings on the wall
2001-12-06 11:24:28 (UTC)

I hate him so much!!!

Why is he doing this to me? Why is it that every time
I almost succeeded in erasing thoughts of him from my mind,
he'll barge right into my life again. I think he knows that
I have a soft spot for him and he's using it against me.
The other day he called me and told me that he wants to
come for a visit but will understand if I say no.How can I
say no? I know that I still love him and sometimes I really
wonder if I am able to get over him...

He asked me when am I free and I told him that I do
have work to do. We talked for awhile and then the next day
he completely ignored me. He didn't answer my messages and
when I finally got the guts to call him, he told me that he
was sleeping. Why? Why is he doing this to me? I think he
knows that he's driving me nuts and is enjoying every
single minute of this.

Had a bad day yesterday and I kept thinking about him.
I needed someone to talk to badly but I don't know who to
turn to. Louis called and I was happy for awhile. At least
someone still cares about me. Why do I need a guy in my
life to make me happy? Why can't I just be independent?

I promised myself that I will not have anything to do
with Stanley anymore. I know that I can't stop myself from
sending him messages so I deleted him number. I know that I
have memorized his number so I deleted my message centre
number. Now, I can't send any messages through my cell
phone, even to my friends.

God, please tell me what I can do to get him out of my
mind...I really need to do this, or I'll drive myself crazy!