If These Scars Could Speak
2001-12-06 08:04:06 (UTC)

Misled into thinking that everything's okay

We live in a beautiful world. Yea, we do.
- Coldplay "Don't Panic"

Yea, we do. So Kelly and I are learning more about
eachother every day. I know her so well, it's hard to think
that there is anything new I could find out, but there is.
It's so interesting to be me right now. Scary sometimes,
but interesting. I can't believe that I found someone as
great as her. Someone who would stick by me through all of
my mistakes. I know she loves me, and I love her too. It's
just an incredible experience, life that is, and love for
that matter. They work hand in hand it seems. Just when you
think things can't get any better, they get worse. Just
when you think things can't get any worse, they get better.
All of this works its way through my soul very strangely.
It seems that if I truly stay humble and keep my head up,
none of it really gets me down. Especially now that I have
Kelly, I just take it in stride. Even though, I might be a
father to an unborn child. I don't know though, and my gut
really isn't telling me either way. Life seems to be
fucking with me where that is concerned. Its ok though,
because I know its all part of my journey. Its good in a
way, because I have a lot to share with a son/daughter...a
lot of life experience that could help it in some way I'm
sure. On the bad side though, I really CAN'T STAND THE
CHILD'S MOTHER AT ALL. Hopefully it isn't my kid, and I
won't have to worry about any of it. I don't know though.
We'll see what happens. Why did I put myself in that
situation anyway. Why did I have sex with someone that I
didn't love, and with no protection for that matter. Well,
there's nothing I can change about it now, I just have to
move forward and not repeat the mistake.

God save us. This new life has brought us this new knife.
- Ill Nino "God Save Us"