listen to my silences
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2001-12-06 03:39:59 (UTC)


just got home from guard. it was VERY productive. i
stepped out of the closure cause of my dizziness (though i
had only one bad spell today, only a few minor ones, and
haven't had any since 3:30). but i'm still in one flag
routine and two dance ones. i know them all, i just have
to work on and perfect them. geoff was there...

i'm SO WORRIED about him. he tells me he's ok. he's not.
he's so far from it. he was supposed to call me yesterday
after school and fell asleep and then again today but i was
on the phone and when i called him he had to go. so he
came to guard and we talked afterwards.

he told me some of the stuff that was going on. i told him
i knew it was more than that. he said, yeah, i know. he's
not ready to tell me yet. that's cool. he deserves so
much better than what has been going on. and i know he
doesn't believe that no matter what he tells me. maybe
subconsciously yes, but he doesn't want to either. not
that she is a bad person. she's a sweetheart. but what
happened wasn't right. i'm just...scared for him. i love
him SO much and i don't know what's going on and he doesn't
know completely either and i don't want anything to happen
to him and i want him to know he can come to me and...I'M

final thought: real men cry to their mothers, and laugh
with the others, when all the jokes are on them; they're
rough and they're tumble, but inside they're humble, and
when nobody's looking they even get sad; and they'd talk
all night; they even break down when you think they might.