My Life: The Best Soap Opera Ever Writte
2001-12-06 02:06:40 (UTC)

Why? 12/5/01 9Pm

Damn it. I have no clue what to do. I keep thinkin that
maybe steve and I were meant for each other. but maybe not.
I mean just like 5 min ago he just told me that even if he
and juan broke up..he would not be in a relationship for
awhile. He said i would never agree to the things he wants
to do..while in a relationship. He says he likes to in screw around with other folks. I can't have
that. why can't i find someone just for me. No one wants me
for me. I mean he basically just said I wouldn't be enough
for him. that what I have to offer wouldn't even be a
fucking enough. I mean why? do i have some kind of
deformity that i can't see that makes guys so non committal
to me?" I mean god..for the last 3 years...all guys have
wanted me for was some good sex. Yeah I treat a guy like I
would like to be treated and only one or two have done that
do me. Why do i give so much. I think i will just stop it
all together. I am not worth anyone. I have what people
don't want. I hate it all. Damn, I am not even worth it.
Guys tell me all the time what a good catch I am...but they
mean they just want some ass. Hell, maybe i should start
charging for it. I won't have to go that far..cause i don't
want anyone. Steve cleary wants Juan forever and he can
have him..cause he doesn't want me. No one does. :(

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