AdorableAlwayz

My journal of finding myself
2001-12-05 22:34:34 (UTC)

OH NO What to do!

Well, I looked at DJ's diary entry. (Heez a guy I met
friday nite but I've known because of my best friends
family which Im like a part of). Well He said He thinks
heez in love with me. Oh great. I got a few butterflys in
my stomach. Oh gosh not again!! When I dated Chris a month
or so ago, he said "I love you", and I all of a sudden
wasn't as attracted to him, because I didn't feel the same.
Don't get me wrong, Chris is awesome, but he is like 19 and
Im 15..That sorta don't mix, because He is looking for a
lasting serious relationship and Im only a Sophomore in
high school. Im kindof confused now. I think DJ is great,
but I made a promise to myself when I wasn't thinking about
Jake anymore that I would kindof back out of the Dating
scene.
"I didnt know you were so cold and you needed someone to
show you the way I took your hand and we figured out that
when the tide comes it will take you away. If you want to I
can save you, I can take you away from here. So lonely
inside, so busy out there, and all you wanted was somebody
who cares. Im sinking slowly, so hurry hold me. Your hand
is all I have to keep me hanging on. PLease can you tell me
so I can finally see, where you go when your gone. All you
wanted was somebody who cares, IF you need me You know I'll
be there. Oh....Yeah Yeah. IF you want to I can save you I
can take you AWAY from here..So lonely inside, So busy out
there. All you wanted was somebody who cares. All you
wanted was somebody who cares."-Michelle Branch

I Love that song, I think it kindof relates. Im really
lonely and All i want is someone who cares for me. But I
don't think Im ready for another relationship. I don't
think not near it, because Im not stable.Im learning about
myself right now and its going by slow. I think I need to
take some time to relate and love myself. If I don't then
Im going to mess something great up. Its been since June
that Jerry(my first love) was gone..2 weeks since Jake(2nd
love) has been gone........WheW! Im not even quite even
sure if Im over Jerry. I just found out he was going to be
moving to California (altho he already lives in ohio like a
million miles away!!!) And that is taking SOOOO much out of
me. I miss him goah I MISS HIM sometimes. Becasue that was
a part of my life which when he left,I was torn because it
wasn't just him..It was AShley too. Those were my best
friends at the time. What was pathetic my dad had a
heartattack the day before he broke up with me. I was ready
to have sex yet and he was like "well Im gone..I have
stacey now" ERRR it makes me mad still to this day! He had
just told me he had cheated on me Chicago the day before
with Stacie and then he left to have Sex with her!! GOAH
STUPID PRICK! Oh well, We all make mistakes. I still Love
him. "and a heart never forgets their first love"- Time
McGraw. I like DJ alot, I just am so afraid. I am not
stable enough. Maybe in a few months. Heck- I found out
this Freshmen at school liked me too. Errrrrrrrrr...WHY!!
Well, Im gonna still write more when I get home. Im going
bowling with my brother and then coming home to watch Buffy
(which my mom is recording for me)
*Jess*




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