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2001-12-05 19:26:29 (UTC)

It began nearly three years..

It began nearly three years ago. A relationship and on my
part, a true and devoted love. I was very young and he was
much older. For several weeks, we had not spoken the age
difference, but I believe we both knew it. He spoke it to
me, and then I, reluctantly, to him. He was in shock as was
I. I truly didn’t know where things would lead and I was
quite certain that he would never want to see me again. I
lay in the bed naked, my legs draped over his (no, we had
not made love and wouldn’t for quite some time) and waited
for the moment that he would tell me to leave his house
immediately. But the words didn’t come. We decided we would
still try the relationship.
He was a musician, leaving frequently to go on tour. I was
a sales associate in a candle shop. We met at my work. I
must say that the last thing I ever wanted was to date
another cocky man. My first love had been a college
musician who ran as quickly from one woman to another as a
cat runs to a freshly opened can of tuna fish. But still,
although I had dealt with the big ego situation before, I
tried it again.

Things were different with H. He came into the store and I
was speechless. I can honestly say that I felt him before
he entered. When he walked in everything seemed to both
darken and glow. There was a tremendous aura surrounding
him but it was mostly dark. Along with the dark come the
mysterious, and I was completely captivated by all of it.
People have always called me an angel or a mother goddess
because I have striven all my life to do the things that
will make others happy and pleased. Perhaps H and I clashed
so much that we were drawn to each other. Perhaps the bad
in him wanted to grasp the good in me. I don’t know that
now, but I believe I will someday.