Deadly Nyghtshade

The Shades of Nyght
2001-12-04 23:57:55 (UTC)


You know, sometimes I wish that I could just be alone. It
would be so much easier than to deal with the heartbreaks
and break-ups, pending fights and un-satisfying
resolutions. But then, I don't. Because then you would miss
out on the the cuddling and those looks across the room.
But then, knowing how I am, I wonder how long I could keep
up the act. To continue to adore the person that I decided
to say "Sure, I'll be your girl-friend" to. I try not to
get the envious feeling that creeps into my heart when I
see the couples walking hand-in-hand and arm-in-arm down
campus. But it creeps in anyway. Now I listen to Lisa
Loeb's "Stay" and I know that, truely, Reality Bites. If
every thing could be one big fantasy, which is the wish the
soft hearted and dream reapers, it would be boring. If you
could always have the person you long for around 12 in the
afternoon while stuck in a psych class on, life would be
peachy. Just a snap of the fingers, and he (or she) would
be there. But it's not that easy. Hell, first of all you
have to find that one person to long for. I haven't found
that person, even though I wish I would. However, there is
my love back home. I do long for him. For his arms around
me and the way he bends down and kisses my forehead. Even
though we have only had these moments twice, they mean the
world to me. But, as life has it, I'm here in PA and he's
there in IL. *sigh* But then again, I guess it is these
things that add the excitement. The never knowing of what
is going to happen next. The idea that someone who you talk
to everyday has that secret longing for you. My world is
filled with these fantasies, i think. But the thing is, I'm
no fool. I don't live completely there in the fantasy. Some
say that isn't such a good thing to do. I "miss out" on the
genuine opportunities. Well, fuck we all miss out on some
opportunities. You can't go running after it before it even
comes. Opportunity, more than likely, will come back. It's
like Jahova Witnesses. They always come back to your door
every Sunday in hopes to save you. Opportunity will come
again, I tell myself. I can either open the door and see
what it's selling or I can leave the door closed and
pretend like I'm not home. I don't know... I say all this
shit, but who's to say that I'm going to listen to myself,
which I never do b/c I'm a dumb ass. I don't know. I'll
learn. Maybe. One day.