Jesus Howard Popsicle Christ on a Big Wheel, Shit is Confusing.
Well my night just got more interesting. Earlier Kat
came over, followed by Kosta and Noah, then Mike. We went
to Buster's and while Kat, Mike and I were waiting for
Kosta and Noah to show up, I saw my friend Mike Johnston,
who I haven't seen since at least June. I saw him and
didn't recognize him at first, since he grew a goatee and
his hair was longer and curly, and not dyed 18 different
colors. Then he came over to where I was sitting to get
change from Stu, one of the dudes who works at Buster's,
and I knew who he was for sure. So we chatted a bit since
we haven't talked since August or so, and he re-gave me his
number and we caught up a bit. That was defiantely good. I
have missed him, although he's changed a lot apparently-
told me he's stopped drinking, doing drugs, and even
smoking. This kid used to be the biggest pothead I knew. Oh
well. he's still Mike, just his eyes aren't glazed over and
they're open all the way.
I got tired and decided to bug out early, so I asked Kat
to drive me home, but Kosta said he would, so he did and
while we were in his car in my driveway, I leaned over and
gave him a hug, after which, without skipping a beat, we
started kissing. No consious thought involved, just like
we were in a movie and that was what the script said to do.
I'm not going to lie and say I didn't see this coming from
the way he's been acting around me lately. I was reasonably
certain that he likes me again, and after that, doubt seems
I don't know what to do. I love Kosta like I always have,
but I don't know if I like him in that way again. Then
there's Jon, who I know that I like, and he makes it seem
he feels the same, but I'm not sure and I'm nervous about
asking because I dont wanna make things wierd. He acts like
he does, but what the hell do I know?
THEN *exasperated sigh* there's another situation
entirely with another guy, which and whom I'm not going to
mention because I don't know what is gonna happen there
either and I don't know if he wants anyone else knowing
what has been said. Kat and Tiff know, and Tiff doesn't
even know him, so I'm not overly concerned about people
saying anything that they shouldn't based simply on
speculation of a topic they know nothing about.
What to do? Wait and see what happens is really all I can
do. Talk to Jon, maybe. I'll probably know what's going on
with contestant #3 once I see him again. As far as Kosta
goes, I have to think about that.
Man, loneliness sucks, definately. But why does getting
rid of lonliness have to be so fucking confusing?!
Music: Golden Slumbers, by the Beatles.
Once there was a way
To get back homeward
Once there was a way
To get back home
Sleep pretty darling,
Do not cry,
And I will sing the lullaby...