lilith.

dedoubledidentifiedschizophrenia~
Ad 2:
2001-12-04 03:41:41 (UTC)

final confession.

its ok. no big deal anyway. i expected you not to.
_

i need to talk to u. get things off my chest. but everytime
i have the chance to i fumble and i forget. but it is
important. to me at least. if im worth anything, anything
at all i think u shld grant me de audience. i promise to
leave and move out from ur life from then on. u wont hear
from me anymore nor would i seek u for anything. trust me,
i keep my promises.

-dont ever mention anything abt your mom to me. u like my
mom. i cannot say the same for yours. how can i do so for
some fabricated a whole package of lies abt me? oh yeah, did
u ever stop to think of the pain i felt? the humiliation?
how alone i felt? u act like u didnt even bother. made me
think u agreed to watever she said. i hope both u and your
mom dearest are satisfied now. man, she wasnt kidding when
she said she'd bring me down was she? didnt noe she stoop
dat low just to see me fall.

and u? what did u do? simply shruggin off and say u have
nothing to say. geez, was it gonna be like dat all the
time? u scoot off each adn everytime a log falls over me?
and tell me not to feel de pain, shrug it miraculously like
u do? for ur information, its easier said than done, when
the log is NOT on u but trampling me.

u may have a thousand and one reasons. but seek deeper and
u noe why im ramblin much. i dont seek anything from u.
mush less ur sympathy, empathy or protection. i realised no
matter how much someone says they are gonna be there for
you to catch ur back, u can never be too sure when they
scoot off. i dont need u to save me from de dreadful rage
and fury of hell. i noe what im doin and i take full
shoulder of the blame. but should u decide to save urself,
dont lay any trip on me by saying, ure only doin this to
save me. ' dont want to see u in hell?' oh yeah, what makes
u so sure ur gonna be in heaven. to think i even got this
from the mouth of somebody else. be a saint if u want to,
but dont not make sense coz if ur a saint, be a saint. dont
be doin other sins.

i felt hurt. betrayed. lost and confused. where was the
person who vowed to be there to catch my fall? i just didnt
get u. whos now breaking all the philosophies.

it may be over to ur eyes but it sure aint in mine.
remember i dont seek anything from u. well not anymore. i
guess im not entitled to that privilege anymore.
just put yourself in my shoes. u tell me people come and
go. oh yah? well i dont think u have the slightest clue to
how it feels.

send my regards to mommy dearest. or maybe not.
wouldnt noe what she might do next.
wouldnt noe how i handle it. but i certainly noe for sure,
you wont be there.

-lith

______________________________________________________

rite lith, as if ur ever gonna send that.


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