CiennaLarylle

I seem to be falling into old habits.

Well I skipped a class again today ... jsut like I did in
middle school. Arg. And another coincidence is I seem to
be loosly in a group of mutilators hmmmmm. That sounds like
middle school and part of highschool agian. This can't be
good. It really doesn't help that anytime I'm alone or when
I close my eyes all I can think about/see is me slashing at
my arm and seening blood all over the place. I can't wait
for classes to be over(1month vaca mmmm) becusae if I don't
get some downtime I don't think I'll make it. Perhaps it is
just all the shit that has happened recently but I've felt
myself slipping all trhough summer and fall. I would go
for "a walk" by myself and find a place that was private to
cry. It didn't help that this summer I overreacted to,
wait, everything. I don't know. What doesn't help is when
others are hurting beucase I was always the "healer or
listener" that would make people feel better but when I am
not in my right mind it is impossible. O-well. I jsut
hope I feel better. And I will not succumb to that dark
place in my mind. But I'm afraid I will as after some time
of being shut up in a box it breaks free and reeks havoc.

Well we'll see how I manage.