listen to my silences
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2001-12-04 03:01:50 (UTC)

carry me away from this; i just want to rest

i have to go back to the doctor. my dizzy spells haven't
ceased. they're not always as bad as the one i had at
guard, but they won't go away. nothing is causing them
that i can think of. it's definitely not stress cause i'm
sleeping. and i'm pretty much sticking to my diet. so i
don't know what's going on. neither do my doctors, so i'm
probably going to have to have another mri done. *sigh*

i'm really worried about g...REALLY worried about him. i
talked to him a little on the phone today cause he wasn't
at school. i know he's upset about andrea leaving. and
also about how it seems he's getting left out of stuff. i
just got the feeling that there was something more...i
don't even care if he tells me, that is not the point of me
asking. i just want him to know that i will listen and i'm
here. and i'm not going anywhere.

the play went well...amazingly enough. we were supposed to
have seven cast members. the first and second nights we
had five. the last night we had four. but we did so
well. we improvised the whole thing basically and it was

i don't know what's up with kells. she's told me some
stuff...but i haven't read her diary entry yet and she told
me it's all in there. so i'm going there in a few.

i hope brodie's feeling better. he's still sick. he
doesn't know about me having to go back to the doctor yet.
i tried to call his house at 8:30 but his dad said he was
already in bed. weird, but good considering he needs to

spent the night at adrian's saturday night. she and brodie
and i went to blackiston bowl. she and brodie had a bet
that whoever lost had to leave shirtless...brodie was
cold. i of course did not enter the bet as i didn't want
to lose. which i knew i would have. anyways, we had fun.
she and i stayed up till like 4:30 talking...

i didn't have to go to my first three blocks today cause i
worked the blood drive at school. i even got out of
turning jones' homework in (that i forgot to do) and uh
well you know since i didn't think i was going to be in
first block left it in my car. so i don't get any points
taken off or anything, even though i didn't do it. then i
ended the day with ceramics, practiced guard at home
(finally got one of the two tosses i've been having
problems with down), didn't have to work, did my homework
(if i didn't know me i'd say i was on something...oh wait,
i don't know me...but i'm not on anything, seriously), and
worked on a puzzle. so why i'm in the mood i'm in right
now i have not a clue, but i'm tired so i'm out.

final thought: i want to cry but i can't, not in front of
you; you see i know what the problem is: you wouldn't want
me to.