jewel

mark my words
2001-12-04 02:38:41 (UTC)

we're meant to be together...

was it something i said
to make you turn away?
to make you walk out
and leave me cold?
if i could just find a way
to make it so that you were right here,
right now.
~nsync, gone

I just quoted NSync. But what the song says is so true in
my life right now. I had Bill for a few precious days, and
those days were the sunniest that I've had in a while.
Because when we were having our little fling, I didn't feel
like he was using me. At random times he would just reach
over and touch me... running his fingers across my cheek or
nudging my knee with his... and I would just feel so good
from the smile he gave me. This huge, sweet grin that
takes over his face would be directed at me, and I'd feel
so special. What happened to make him want nothing to do
with me? All I want is for him to be mine, so I could call
him up when I was upset and he could tell me it's okay
because he loves me, and that would make me feel so much
better. And his little touches would warm me up in the
coldest wind tunnel in the backseat of Mike's car. I've
had these obsessions before, but never have they been so
within my grasp, and it kills me that I've tasted just a
little bit of what could have been.
The NSync song really does fit right there.
I'm grounded for a long long time as well. I lost my mom's
bike and she flipped out. I'm grounded until I get her a
new bike or find the old one. Sounds fun, right? I don't
have a job and I can't babysit because I abuse the children
so the parents don't call me back. Friday night is a big
party in town that I'll most likely be grounded from.
Sucks a lot, but I'm already thinking of a plan to sneak
out.
Another random good fact about the last few days is that,
I've had weed. When I have weed I always am much happier
because smoking really relaxes me. It's amazing how I can
be completely stressed out about random shit, and a bowl
later I'm fine. Whoever invented weed made a good
invention.
Speaking of that, today my mom asked me if I've ever "tried
pot yet". I dodged the question by being like "It's there
if I want to find it, but I've got to make good decisions
and be mature and smart, blah blah blah" and succeeded in
confusing the hell out of Mom. I can't tell if she took it
as a yes or no, but I guess I'll find out soon enough.
Gotta go, I am very sleepy.
:)