Just a guy

Logic of the Insane
2001-12-03 22:05:02 (UTC)

Pattern of thought

I have always had a problem with my pattern of thought.
As soon as one thing is said to me, I have already come up
with a whole new line of thoughts. Like someone was talking
about First-Aid. Well I took aid-Rite aid-Mint'n'Chip Ice
cream(my favorite)-my aunt(she always used to buy it for
me)-her son, Erik-Chuck E. Cheese-Their breadsticks(the
best)-Ranch Dressing-Presscott, AZ-My grandparents-my old
house(the one from my dream)-etc. It is funny how it works
because I was thinking about all of this stuff before the
person even got to the next sentance. Anyway, now it works
the same but everything ends up with Shelly. Like my dad
was talking about church, so I thought church-Dtour(my
youth group)-Evan(he recently started attending)-Drama-
school-last year-drama-Shelly-roles that she played-things
we did together, then it became all I could think of. I
don't know why, it's not like I am thinking about her 24/7,
but it is pretty close. I hope that I'm not obsessed with
her, that will only make a rejection from her hurt more.
I need help. Is this normal? I mean every aspect of me
is not normal, but I am as normal as I can be, I think. .
If you have ever had an experience like this, where
sometimes all you can think about is this one person,
please respond to this entry and tell me that I am not
going insane. If not, then I am going insane. Well, I knew
that it would happen sooner or later, but I was hoping that
it would be later. Hope. Funny. What? Oh. . .nothing. Well
its just that so much of my life is based onm hope, yet
everything that I truly hope for almost never happens. Its
when I care enough about something that I don't care at
all. That's also funny isn't it. Man, what is it that makes
me think this way. I was just telling one of my "closest"
friends that when I write these things, I just start out
with an idea that will take up about a sentance or to, and
my thought process takes over and soon I've written several
I wish that. . .wish. There I go again. Wishes don't
get you anywhere. All they do is set you up for
disappointments. The kid sitting next to me just said,
"Tell them what they want to hear, and none of what they
need to know." Of course he was talking about girls, but
that can go for anyone. Tell people what they want to hear
and they stop bugging you, but if you can't deliver, then
you are in trouble. Like to day, I just put a space in the
middle of today, what is wrong with me? Oh well, let me try
again. Like to day. . .I did it again, I know that there is
no space yet I am doing it any way, why? Anyway. Like today
this kid Marco was asked by the teacher if she could see
his Gattaca Paragraphs(an assignment), which he had, just 5
minutes before, given to a girl to copy. He looked through
his binder, knowning that they weren't there, but looking
dumbfounded went they were not in his binder nonetheless.
She asked him if he had lent them out to anyone or if there
was anyone who might have had access to them. Clearly
panicing he shakily said "no." She asked if he could look
for it at home and took another one of his papers. She
returned moments later with his paragraphs and his paper.
She asked, "Is this yours?" He said, "I think, that's my
writing." She said that it had just been turned in with
Patty's name on it. How stupid can you be?! That is the worst
cheating job that I have ever seen. So he and her got an F on the
assignment, no biggy, but still, if the teacher wants to hear that
you are not cheating, and you tell them that you aren't but you can't
back that up, then there are problems that arise. But if would have
just told the truth, then he would have gotten off scott-free. Well
that is not a really good exaple of what I am talking about, but that
story is just so funny to me, that a human being can be so stupid to
cheat using that method, but Patty proved me wrong. Well, that's it
for now. Till next time.

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