Adoption IS A Nightmare
2001-04-01 03:12:31 (UTC)


I am going to bed early, just wanted to share this little
chuckle with you. I will write a long entry tomorrow nite.

New Barbie Dolls for 2001:

At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide
with her and aging
gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...

1. - Bifocals Barbie - Comes with her own set of
blended-lens fashion
frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. - Hot Flash Barbie - Press Barbie's bellybutton and
watch her face turn
beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her
forehead. Comes
with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

3. - Facial Hair Barbie - As Barbie's hormone levels shift,
see her
whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and
magnifying mirror.

4. - Flabby Arms Barbie - Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with
these new,
roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two
muumuus with
tummy-support panels are included.

5. - Bunion Barbie - Years of disco dancing in stiletto
heels have
definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet.
Soothe her
sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft
terry mules.

6. - No-More-Wrinkles Barbie - Erase those pesky crow's-feet
and lip lines
with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line
of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.

7. - Soccer Mom Barbie - All that experience as a
cheer-leader is really
paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone
to root for
Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or
white, and
cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. - Mid-life Crisis Barbie - It's time to ditch Ken.
Barbie needs a
change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the
doctor ordered,
along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and
heading for the
Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of
"Breaking Up Is Hard to

9. - Divorced Barbie - Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's
house, Ken's
car, and Ken's boat.

10. - Recovery Barbie - Too many parties have finally caught
up with the
ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of
dance steps.
Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.
Comes with a little
copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. - Post-Menopausal Barbie - This Barbie wets her pants
when she sneezes,
forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick
and tired of
Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through
the channels.
Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the
book "Getting In
Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.