DayDream Believer
2001-12-03 10:54:12 (UTC)

Third day of December

I went over to Samuel yesterday and we went out for a walk
like always.
It was ful moon, dark,it was some fog in the sky but we
could stil see some stars, I love that.
I told him about how miserable I feel for the moment, and
we talked about what could be my problem.
I told him that now as my plan was broken I diddt now how
to handle things anymore, if I should just give up.
And he was like, no youre to hard on youre self, you know
right now youre the only one who gets hurt, dont punish
you`re self like that!!!
I`ve found out that the only way I can get up on my feet`s
agen is if I make a new plan.
And that is: have some more alone time, maybe dont go on
the caht, or at lest let Stian come to me first, he`ll
probobly gonna call when he`s drunk and how Im gonna react
when he comes to my school in two weeks I stil dont know.
And with Chris, do put to much in it, just wait and see
whats happneing without getting to much feelings involved,
he`s great and the only problem is, he`s to great....
And in the meantime Im just gonna continue this, do my
thins and follow my dream.
I need this Christmas to be perfect, I cant take any
chances. BTW: I asked Samuel on how he was feelig, I think
he looks much better now:-) But I cant see inside him,
maybe he`s tired and want to let go, and here I am going
like, oh no, I cant live without him.
Am I selfish?? Does anyone here know how hard it is to know
that I might be losing what Im living fore?
I cant see my self in the future without him, cant remember
life without Samuel there everytime I cry or is extremly
happy for something, he`s always the first one Ii run over