nohbody special

The Book of Nod
2001-12-03 08:03:30 (UTC)

12-02-01 23:43

Hmm I guess its been a while since I have felt the need
to write in one of these. One would think that was a
good thing but of course its not. The fact is that since i
last wrote my life has gotten more and more
complicated. I am about 3 weeks away from failing out
of college. I need to basically ace my math and chem
finals to pass the classes and move on to the next
level. Suffice to say that if I beleived in them it would
take a miracle. Damn sometimes atheism is a pain in
the ass. I retook the spark personality and purity tests
today and received a 48% purity rating (down more than
10 points from last time) and a dreamer or something
like that rating on the personality test. Hmmmm I was a
guru last time. The only difference is whether you are
intro or extro verted. Maybe my life sucking has made
me an introvert? Who knows. I have great news to
report on several fronts. Cake is happy for the moment
because she got to have some really good sex this
weekend. But unfortunately she got laid off and is
either going to work for microsoft or move away. As
much as i would hate to see her work for the evil
empire i would rather that than lose this great person
whoo i can tell anything to. More good new though. My
friend who might have been prenant isnt and my sort of
ex sort of not sort of whatever. Has momentarily
stopped being suicidal. Now for the bad news. As a
nihilist it is hard for me to regret activities or actions but
the friday after thanksgiving ranks up there as one of
those days that i wish i could do over. It was all well
and good untill we were sitting in the car after dinner
and trying to decide what to do and she suggested
going to the park. Now i should have known where this
was going but hey remember what an idiot i can be.
So we get there and somehow without thinking i end up
going down on her in the park on the ground. Thinking
to myself the whole time that this was a bad idea but
not being able to stop myself. When we finished we
were laying nex to each other and she looked over at
me and said "that was bad we shouldnt have done it."
Now i would never tell her this but i dont regret what
happened per se. More how it happened. You see i
actually do feel that way about her but feeling that way
and having the courage to tell her so are two entirely
different things. Suffice to say that she decided that we
shoudl be friends.
Oh I took this dope test that i saw on laranel's site. so
here is the reults:

Your Existing Situation

This represents a barrier between the compensatory
colors which precede it and
the remaining colors.

Your Stress Sources

Wants a partner with whom he can share fully in an
atmosphere of cloudless
serenity, but his compulsion to demonstrate his
individuality leads him to adopt
a critical and demanding attitude. This introduces
discord and leads to
alternating periods of drawing closer and drawing
apart, so that the ideal state
he desires is not allowed to develop. Despite the urge
to gratify his natural
desires, he imposes a considerable self-restraint on
his instincts in the belief
that this demonstrates his superiority and raises him
above the common herd.
Discerning, critical and particular, having taste and
discrimination. These
qualities, combined with his tendency to judge things
for himself and to express
his opinions with authority. He enjoys the original, the
ingenious and the
subtle, striving to ally himself with others of similar
taste who can help him
in his intellectual unfolding. Desires admiration and the
esteem of others.

Your Restrained Characteristics

The situation is preventing him from establishing
himself, but he feels he must
make the best of things as they are.Circumstances
are restrictive and
hampering, forcing him to forgo all joys and pleasures
for the time being.

Your Desired Objective

Hopes that ties of affection and good-fellowship will
bring release and
contentment. His own need for approval makes him
ready to be of help to others
and in exchange he wants warmth and understanding.
Open to new ideas and
possibilities which he hopes will prove fruitful and

Your Actual Problem

Feels insufficiently valued in his existing situation, and
is seeking different
conditions in which he will have greater opportunity of
demonstrating his worth.

Your Actual Problem #2

Intensely critical of the existing conditions which he
feels are disorganized or
insufficiently clear-cut. Is therefore seeking some
solution which will clarify
the situation and introduce a more acceptable degree
of order and method.

Thank you for using

I will never cease to be disturbded that tests like this
exist which so acurrately decribe my situation. I hate
being anonymous. Speaking of which i have given up
on the rant board and my alter ego of Anonymous One.
Fuck those guys they should hang out with my roomate
and join the KKK or hitler youth or some such bullshit.
My only hope is that next time there is a bombing one or
more of the people guilty for America bringing this upon
herself will die. Thats right its our own damn fault we
have been asking for it for years and we finally got it.
And guess what theres more to come fuckers. My only
hope is that if i die as a result of it nobody uses my
name to go around killing people. FUCK WAR. there is
no good outcome. FUCK PEOPLE WHO THINK ITS A
COUNTRIES. Now christie and kelly i can but up with
for a couple of reasons. One i really really really like
flirting with christie. Two they both think its a bad option
but the only one we have. I disagree but oh well at least
they dont think i am stupid because i dont like this
country. Fuck all the people who say america love it or
leave it. More people hate this country than love so i got
news for ya. I am on the winning team. 5000 years
from now when the world is going through a nuclear
winter i will be right. Unfortunately if i am right about
some other things i wont be around to gloat. Oh well i
am happy enough knowing i am right. I know there was
something else i wanted to say but i forgot so oh well.
Hmm maybe i wont keep ignoring the nag mail.
Oh yeah i remember. I love Leah. She is cool she is
nice and she lets me bitch to her without coddling me. I
hate when people coddle it makes me feel like a
fucking moron. I would rather be told straight out that i
am stupid because then i get mad and want ot do
something about it. Not that i will i just want to. Oh and
by the way bridget is in fact sleeping with tom so fuck
both of them. Hmm maybe that girl cat is single. Damn
she's hot. oh well i guess ill find out tuesday night
when we go out and burn.