arctic angel

wishing on a star
2001-12-03 06:01:21 (UTC)

subtle but sincere happiness

I think I'll talk about my day today.
Let's see. I woke up. I sat around. Then my mother and
my father and I left to pick up our other car from being
fixed (yay). And then we got to eat Chinese food (bigger
yay!). And THEN my mother and I went and got groceries
(HUGE MONSTER YAY.)
Now, I'll explain something. My house is barren of food the
majority of the time. If it's not dog food, pickles,
tomato soup or the occasional 12-pack of coke/diet coke, we
don't have it. But today we stocked up.
No, I don't starve or anything. We usually have enough of
something to keep me eating, and in the past, overeating.
Oh, another thing.
Slap me if I'm sounding obsessive.
I weighed 119lbs this morning.
I know, I know. You're not supposed to weigh yourself
every morning. But for me it's been motivation to stay on
track. It makes me happy to be smaller.
It makes my boyfriend happy for me to be smaller.
And hopefully, when I'm a famous singer, it'll make my
audience happy, too.
Aren't I pathetic?
Anyways, I spoke to Mark last night... And he broke up with
Tina. He said things went well and she took it better than
I thought, and something in me is glad for that but...
well, I talked to Andrew on the phone about it, and he said
the words that I really had tried to push out of my
mind, "She's probably crying right now... you know that,
right?" He didn't say it to be mean, but.. I know it's
probably true. Like I said before, it'd be great if she
had felt the same way Mark did, but, well.. They had gone
out for a year and a half, and frankly, I'd be crying too.
When I thought I was going to lose Andrew, then... well, I
won't get into that, for the reason that most likely anyone
who reads this can assume what I felt and also I've
probably already typed it. And if my boyfriend should ever
read this (I love you), well, in case the same situation
should occur (or something near to it) then I don't want
him to ignore his feelings. I mean, we are young, we've
been together a long time, and shit happens.
I'm stopping myself right there.
I can be afraid and worried all I want. But if I'm happy
about what I have instead of stressing over what I may
lose, than things may turn out better and if I'm happy,
maybe he'll be happy. I know he doesn't make it known as
much as I'd like, but it's allright, because I've realized
a few things. And I'm generally okay with everything right
now. Not to mention incredibly happy I have him. I need
to take my own damn advice sometimes.
Hehe, he told me when I talked to him tonight about a group
of girls who hit on him while he was working. I know he's
cute, and I trust him, but that natural little alarm went
off in my head.
**BeepBeepTeenageMaleSexuallyAttackedbyManyTeenageFemalesBee
pBeep**...As horribly moronic as that may sound. I pushed
it aside. Just because when I get hit on, he doesn't worry
about it, and I need to learn to have the same
reassurance. He's a great guy... of course other girls are
going to see that. Hopefully in the end I'll be the lucky
girl to stil have him. :)
LoL I'm listening to myself think as I type out these
words... I must be crazy to be so paranoid sometimes. I
get it from my mother, though thankfully not as bad. But I
am going to FIX it, and until I do, I'm going to keep my
damn thoughts to myself!....(and this diary..) :-X
Well, I'll write sometime later.
Oh yeah.. My birthday is on Tuesday! Yay! Tomorrow!
(Technically.. it IS the early morning...)
All in all.. well.. I'm happy. Strangely enough. It's subtle, but
it's definitely happy. :D
eh.. I'll go now. :P




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