Butterfly

MadameButterfly
2001-12-03 04:32:36 (UTC)

Clinging to True Hopes

Clinging to True Hopes 11/29/2001
I sit here and listen to the beauty of Madame Butterfly and
realize that although life has held its challenges
recently, it certainly has held its blessings as well. I
want to count my blessings and realize that I am one of the
most fortunate ones in the world. I am alive, I breathe, I
am expecting the world’s greatest baby boy in March, I can
hear the beautiful classical music that expresses itself as
I write, I can see the beautiful Christmas tree that we
have this year, I can feel my precious baby in my belly as
he grows and progresses, I have the greatest most
supportive family ever, I have the ability and desire to
write, I enjoy good books, I have a reliable car to get me
from one place to another and to take baby places once he
is born, I am a mother, I received the settlement that I so
desperately needed in order to pay my medical bills, it is
nearing Christmas and the neighborhood is beautiful, the
leaves continue to fall gracefully from the trees, I have
the best cats ever, B and M just brought me loads of baby
clothes, a baby swing, a matching baby bed and changing
table, a diaper bag and baby toys, I am going to be able to
redecorate my bedroom in order to free the sad memories of
my time spent there with James, I have wonderfully warm
cups of tea to drink while I write, I have a great appetite
and enjoy eating, I have a wonderfully positive and warm
therapist to trust, and I have hope…the list goes on and on
and I am so very grateful!!
When I look at this list I see so clearly how fortunate I
am and it makes the difficulties a lot easier to handle.
When I get so very scared or sad I look to these things to
lift me back up. When I become frightened about James
having any contact with the baby, I have hope that God
wouldn’t let such an emotionally and physically abusive
human ever touch my baby. When I feel trapped by the almost
constant migraine headaches, I try to seek ways of gaining
control over the situation. I hold on tightly to the
beautiful things in life. There is always hope, surely
there is. A broken heart will not get in my way, because
there is always room for a broken heart to heal and for a
fresh start to show a broken heart the way. I will never
let an abusive and cruel man go near my child because I am
a mother who cares and would do anything to protect her
baby. There is hope and I am holding on to every bit of it.





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