Butterfly

Beginning

Beginning 11/24/2001
As with the lives of all others in this world, my life
hasn’t been terrible and it hasn’t been perfect either. I
have learned my lessons in my own ways and I have realized
that life and its contents are truly a long chain that is
linked tightly to where I stand in the present.
For such a long time, I lived in denial of that fact and in
one way or another always tried to seek other reasoning for
why things were the way they were in the moment of the
present.

Now that I have learned such a lesson for myself (and
believe me, it has taken a LONG time for me to realize
that!!) I feel that my life will take a more positive turn.
I am now attempting to take a long hard look back at my
life and see the details of my past and ask myself, "Is
that where you want to continue to go or do you want to
take another path?"

This has helped me tremendously and I realize that I want
my future to be a combination of the beauties of my past
and of beauties yet to come. There are things that I both
love and hate about my past decisions. The biggest being
that I have had a TREMENDOUS tendency to not believe that I
am worthy to have a happy life. I made hundreds of
decisions that made a loud and clear statement of "I am
doing this because I don’t deserve better and I cannot do
any better for myself!!"

No longer will I make such decisions, and when I do, I want
to stop myself and say, "Hey woman! You deserve the best so
act like you do!"

So, this is the beginning of where I stand now. But to make
myself feel better and to become more established as well,
I want to describe my past. Here goes…