mandelb

lots and lotsa stuff

- well i was writing a really long winded entry last nite
when bebe deleted it by accident. so i guess i'll just sum
it up: MIT didn't go as well as i would have liked, i
realized my relief from the big D was only temporary (why
don't i ever think of that first?), i have tons of work to
do but i am trying not to let it stress me, and bebe is
finally better.

- on that note, however, i have some other news... things
are going well - i think. we had a great night last night,
like really great. we went out with his friends, and i am
getting along ok with them, which is good - makes things
less awkward for me (not that they ever really are...ha).
and after we came back and went to bed. there good as well.
but this morning he got upset and i know not what about. and
the worst is that it happened while we were together in bed,
and so i am afraid that i did something to upset him. he
says he doesn't think so. damn. a NO would have been better.
but thats not the most of my concern. the most of my concern
is that clearly SOMETHING is bothering him. and i just wish
i could do more to help. on a better note though, when we
finally got up at like 3, we had a really fun lunch
together.

- my journalism paper is still due on friday, and i still
haven't started. darn. just can't motivate myself. besides
that i have the most splitting headache today. oh well.

- ahh, one last thing. the conflict i felt at williams/smith
and talked about with "craaaaazy" has sort of resurfaced.
not nearly as strong, yet still there. i can't figure out
why. i have not one other wish than what i have. but yet, i
just desire to be a damsel in shining armour. its
disturbing. i understand the why - it is certainly a
deserved feeling - but i can't understand why it is there
NOW. "craaaazy" seems to think that to a certain degree
those things never go away. i think that its because i never
get anything back from it that it still plagues me - and
maybe if i did... but who knows. its not a huge deal, and
now that the tourney is over, i'm not really thinking about
it anymore. so thats that.

- not feeling so great... head is aching, nose is stuffy as
hell. think i am going to get to bed madd early tonite.
maybe then i'll feel better.

- i wish college wasn't so boring....