Behind the Smile
2001-12-03 02:31:00 (UTC)

The Belgian ex.

I recieved an email from my Belgian ex-girlfriend today.
Wow, I've missed her. I met her online almost a year ago,
and she came to visit me here in the states. Well, it was a
very nice two weeks that she was in my arms. I've never met
a more compassionate, and mentally strong person! Oh and
she was fine as hell to! Basically we spent two weeks
drinking massive amounts of heineken and having the best
sex I've ever had. We both so mentally unstable tho, we
almost destroyed each others minds. We had to much shit
going on in our heads to be able to really come to any
understanding on what LOVE is, and what we wanted it to be.
SO at any rate after her visit things quickly dissipated,
and we hated the thought of each other for some months. But
we were to alike, as far as mental states to stay away from
each other. We don't date or talk of our love anymore, save
for remembering some fond moments. But we teach each other
so much. We probably couldn't survive without our mental
romance. Do you know anyone like that? It's a fucking
euphoric experiance. Just that the great betrayal is life,
the fact that it is so great, and eterreal that it can't
happen, or last for long if it does happen. And I loved her
so much......to much. Anyways that relationship brought on
massive fits of depression for me, to much chemical abuse.
The logic of acid was so beautiful after that. But I fele
like I live my life in a dream, and as I am sober now, and
out of love......I'm still stuck in some surrealistic
concoction of imagined emotions, not real but not fake. I
think I've created my own emotional reality! WTF? Pose this
to Mr. Freud!!!

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