It's ok to be crazy
2001-12-03 00:28:50 (UTC)

last night

last night i let jon read my diary. i needed someone to
know what was locked up inside of me. i needed someone to
talk to when my head hurts too much from the pain.
after he read it he called me. he was angry, not at me of
course, but at my family and the fact that this all had
happened. while i totally understand where he is coming
from and why there is so much anger i don't really
understand it at the same time. maybe it is just the fact
that it is absolutly impossible for me to hold a grudge. no
matter how much i want to hate some one and hold the past
against them i can't do it. i love my family regaurdless of
what has happened in the past. yes i realize theat it is
causing problems in my head till this day but i just have
the thought in my head that they feel bad about what has
happened. and if they feel that guilt and know that they
hurt and know what they did was wrong. well then it is just
impossible for me to hate them for the past. i just don't
think that would be fair to them or myself.
but with this new found un-burdened feeling i have today
from the fact that i have posted this diary and more
importantly that someone i love know knows me and all of my
secrets. i woke up feeling great. i had a smile on my face
and i was happy.
and just to touch on the whole situation with jon. he was
right. this whole break up is a good thing. and in the end
i have lost nothing from it alli have now is a bestfriend,
someone i know whill always be there for me and love. and
that is more important to me than the relationship we
shared before.