nilegoddess18

crazy
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2001-12-02 15:23:31 (UTC)

blah blah blah

hmmm....woke up early this morning, cuz zoe, whom i'm
babysitting again along with hannah, woke me up...err. oh
well i think i got six hours of sleep, which is just about
right for me..i just hate the thought of being woken up
early. even if i go to bed at 6 am, and wake up at 10 i'm
fine because i woke up late in the day....hehe or maybe
it's all in my head. "she said "shh, i know it's only in my
head" sorry reminded me of a counting crows song...pretty
good. i like them a lot. wish i had the cd..the yellow one
i forget what it's callled, dammit. anywho i had it and i
loved it, but gerry took it to alsaka with him. darn. now i
have nothing to listen to when i'm sad, b/c i don't really
like the other cd as much, forget what it's called to, but
it's the green and black one. funny how i have the one i
don't like but not the one i like...oooh the irony. i start
my new new medicine today. whoo hoo, i wonder if this one
will make me go blind too. well it's only "migrane
symptoms" but it's hard to look at a computer screen or
focus on something because everything swirls around and
what not...it's gets worse everyweek....this week has been
super hard for me to foucus on anything..but whatever the
medicine should stop my pre'migranes..whoo hooo. last night
i was talking to my friend ian online, because i was
worried about my other friend, and he has been in that
position before, so he was giving me advice and
whatnot....but i don't think it helped really because he
actually managed to help the person, make them see that
they were hurting themselves and everyone who truly cared
about them, nad the problem was fixed....i wish it could be
that easy. ian's the only one who really understands
though, everyone else doens't care or thinks i'm being
silly..that's a great feeling let me tell you, and
honestly, i wish i could bevilve them. wish i could just
say i'm being silly and leave it at that, but i can't,
because i know i'm not being silly....not when it's hurting
me this much, not when i've seen it happen a million times
before to people i cared about and to people i didn't
know.....i don't know what to do anymore, because i'm
getting tired of being worried and scared all the time, and
frustrated because i can't seem to make them understand how
it's affecting me...sometimes i think well maybe it's me.
maybe i'm just bieng over pretectvie because i've seen some
bad things in the past, and maybe if i just let it go i'll
be able to see that things won't get bad, i'm just making
it up in my head that there might someday be a problem,
when my friend will really be ok....but i know i can't
because i care too much and that's not a risk i can afford
to take. maybe they will be fine, but what if they won't
be? i made that mistake before because they told me they
were fine, that they were gonna be ok, and even though some
part of me knew that they wern'et that they just couldn't
see it, i believe them, and well it turned out that they
weren't ok.and prolly this person is gonna start getting really
pissed off at me because i'm worried and they'll get sick of it and
not wanna talk to me, and that woould be the worst thing ever, but
right now i care more about whether or not they will be ok then i do
about myself...but anyway i just babbled on and on about
something..hehe i guess i needed to get it out, and isn't
that what a diary's for anyway? blah....um yeah i guess
that's it for right now, i get to babysit go to work then
madre said she would take me driving..yey! cuz i got my
permit..double yey..hehe i'm in a good mood today....


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