the one who got away

lost somewhere inside of me
2001-12-02 04:41:41 (UTC)

live your dreams

have you ever wondered where you might be in five to ten
years ........i know where i want to be but thats not
always where life takes you......i have thought a lot
lately of what i want.....but i cant seem to keep faith in
my dreams......i thought for sure by now id be engaged to
be married or atleast in a serious relationship that i
could count on for the rest of my life
but i dont even have anyone in my life that i could even
consider.....i thought i did and maybe i have just given up
hope but it doesnt seem like i have any bases for thinking
that its still there
i know you love me....and you know who you are...but what
does that love really mean to you?
what do those words really mean to you?
b/c those words will continue to be just words until you
can prove to me that it is more than what it seems
and then again maybe its not
maybe we arent who i wanted us to be
maybe what i had pictured in my mind was more than what you
had planned or even wanted for that matter
i tend to over exagerate things inside my head
in hopes that the perfect picture i had painted inside my
mind would actually get finished.....

listen closely and you'll understand::::::

Its knowing that i've said this all before.
Its listening to what the other person heard.
Its now knowing how that person felt.
That uneasy feeling.
Them wanting things to be as perfect as i had made it all
become inside my mind.
Wanting so badly not to disappoint me.
Im understanding both sides now.
Understanding how hard it is not to pull away.
Its scary that i now know how i lost so many.
I created this perfect picture for eternity.
Not letting things work through in time.
I was positive that things would be "PERFECT".
I had lost sight of what really mattered.
As i sit on the other side of this,
Having the picture painted for me instead.
I dont want to do, what has been done to me.
I once again have it all in my hands.
I know how things are supposed to go from my new perspective
But what if i changed things?
What if this time, i finished the painting.
Became the missing piece to this puzzle.
Let myself be found.
I could turn the other way,
But then i would be putting someone through what i have
always ended up with.
A broken heart.
An empty dream.
And an unfinshed painting.

so i leave you with one thought....
if you truly love someone...explain to them where it comes
from and how it makes you feel.

love all
good night