Carlotta

So I saw him online

I have been emailing Andrew like everyday and have gotten
no response. I was just playing on my computer and left to
talk to Bryn who lives across the hall about getting my
cartidge pierced. I came back and my little alarm thing
saying that Andrew was online was up. So I IMed him and he
didn't say much just that he was very busy and had to go.
But he was just on. I try to be understanding, really I do. I
understand he is going through a lot of shit, with moving out trying
to find a job and trying to find himself in the process. He always
said that if he got a good enough oppurtunity he would be gone. I can
see that, but its like, "hey, my heart is invested here". I want to
fit into his busy life. I get pissy when we try to make plans and
something comes up on his end. Then in turn it makes me look a bitch.
But I am not, I am just tryign to fight for this relationship. But
maybe Andy does not want to be fought for. You all may think my life
revolves around him. It does not, I only vent out all of my
frustruations here. It is the only place I can write about it in
full, where I do not get judged or anything. I am not some little
obsessed 18- year old girl over a 29 year old man, its just that I
need to vent sometime, so sorry to those who read this and say to
themselves, "God dammit, another fucking entry about Andy" My journal
should just be called "Life With Andy".