MeOw mEoW
2001-12-01 09:50:28 (UTC)

My poetry to date

Masquerade called Life

You can't live in the past.
The past cannot be unsaid,

Everyone tries to run from destiny.
We try to escape,
break free.

Look around you.

I am there by your side.
I am veiled,

Everyone wants to forget who they are.
We are phony,

We are all part of the same Masquerade.

It's "that time of year" again.

It's that time of year again.
The time we all get together
with family,
with friends.

It's that time of year again.
The time we are most fake
pretend we like the sweater,
pretend to be happy.

It's that time of year again.
The time we hit the road
drive to holiday dinners,
drive ourselves mad.

It's that time of year again.
The time we all have faith
believing in Santa,
believing in God.

It's that time of year again.
The time we lie the most
acting like we're rich,
acting like we've been good all year.

It's that time of year again.
The time I hate the most
will it ever go away,
will it ever end?

Here kitty kitty
I purred all night long.
Being near you made me happy.
You didn't hear a thing.

I arched my back
and rubbed against your ankles.
You kicked me aside.

I jumped up on your lap
while you were reading the paper.
You threw me down three times.

I caught a mouse
and brought it to you.
You stood on a chair and screamed.

I clawed the couch
to get your attention.
You locked me in the garage.

Your friend came over.
She wanted to see me.
You opened the door and found me dead.
ahhhh... It's finished.
Hi Honey, I didn't expect to see you here!
(Oh shit.. you found me!)
Hows your mother doing?
(Is she bruised and bloody too?)
Sorry we couldn't get together last weekend.
(My ribs were still broken.)
Tonight? I can't. I've got cheerleading practice.
(Please believe me!)
Oh, It was canceled? Nobody told me.
(I was hoping you didn't know.)
I must have missed the announcement.
(Just don't look in my eyes.)
Well, then I guess I'm free.
Movies at your house? I don't have money for the bus.
(please still be broken....)
Oh, your car is fixed? See you at 8 then.
(Will I live to see tomorrow?)

Hey, you're late! I was starting to worry.
(I was hoping you had died.)
I'm ready to go.
(I already took the aspirin.)

So what are we watching?
(Please... something relaxing.)
What, you're getting a beer? Grab me one too.
(It'll help numb the pain.)
This was the last one? Why didn't you tell me?
I'll go get you more.
I said I'm sorry!
(Stop hitting me!)
I love you.
(Just don't break any more bones!)
Stop it, that hurts.
(I'm starting to bleed!)

Honey, I'm sorry.
(You always are....)
Please forgive me.
(I always do.)
I'll never do it again.
(Until next time we meet...)
Please don't leave me!
(I can't.. you'd kill me!)
I really do love you!
(Then why do this to me?)
I really mean it this time!
(Just like you always do.)

really really short thingy
Sometimes love can hurt so bad
it rips your soul in two,
when you give your heart to someone
who won't give theirs to you.

Where were you last night?
Why didn't you answer the phone?
You missed our date.
I left 5 messages on your machine.

Why won't you get up?
Why are you wearing a suit?
You never sleep this late.
You look kind of funny in a tie.

Why are you so pale?
Why are your hands so cold?
The color has all drained from you.
All the warmth is gone.

Why are there so many flowers here?
Why did they tell me you died?
The roses are pretty, smell good too.
Someone is fucking with my head.


I can still feel
the knife you gently placed
in my back.
I still remember
the way you twisted it,
so very slow.

Do you expect me
to forgive you just because
you finally took it out?
The wound is still there
unable to heal
it's too deep now.

How can you even
ask me to forget
something as painful as that?
So you remain unforgiven
and forever will be
An Angels Wedding
I was an angel till I met a love,
a love too strong to ignore.
I thought when I put on that ring,
he would stop walking out that door.

If love is supposed to lift my up,
how did I hit the ground?
I hit so hard it broke my wings,
but I need them to get around.

So now without a way to fly,
I'm like a broken toy.
Being with me no longer seems,
to bring him as much joy.

I sit at home and try to find
a way to make him stay.
Every day he seems to drift
further and further away.

He wanders aimlessly
and seems to be so distant.
We try to get "together time"
but it's so inconsistent.

I hope that we can find a way
to keep our life together.
Someday soon, with my heart fixed,
my wings can start getting better.

another suicidal poem
While I'm screaming from the pain
I'm unsure of why you're here.
Instead of all the lies,
I am crying for someone to care.

Inside my aching soul,
I'm dying,
all alone.

Everyone looks away
instead of looking back.

Please stay with me a while,
maybe even be my friend,
I'm feeling overwhelmed,
really, it must end.

I wish for a way out,
a way to end the pain.
Nothing else matters,
why wont you let me go?

time does not fly, I wish it did

All I have to say to introduce this one is......... F**K
you T.M., you're the only boy I'll never miss,
I'll only miss the time I wasted being with you.

Instants of Insecurity (help, who am I now)
Seconds full of Screams (shhhhhhh someone might hear)
Minutes when you're Mean (please.... don't make me cry)
Hours of the Hurting (oh god.... call 911)
Days of Despair (where is he now....)
Weeks when I'm Worn down ( help, I cant breathe)
Months of Misery (I'll eat when I want to)
Seasons of Sadness (I'm fine, leave me alone)
Years of Yelling (whats that ringing sound)
Decades of Deciet (he isn't gonna do it again)
Centuries of Crying (but I still love him.......)
I wish it were a dream (Wake up..... wake up!)

any suggestions for a title?
alone and miserable
I'm running on empty
away from love and life

you think you know me
but you never listen
you only hear

I am always reaching out
but everyone stays away
afraid to come near

move on
keep reaching
meanwhile it falls apart

about to jump

Juggling two lives, unsure of which one is real
Stealing from myself, trying to fit in
Jumbled messages from everyone lie underneath the surface
Maybe somebody cares, but they'll never show it
I cry out in pain
Forever we are friends, but wait, its just a lie
Always and never are burning up mu soul, ringing in my mind
Inside my heart is dying, while my life flows down the drain
My ending is so close I can taste it


Broken promises
Broken dreams
Angels fly with broken wings
Broken hearts
Broken lips
The window broken by my fists
Broken homes
Broken lives
Come home to your broken wives
Broken feelings
Broken sanity
Friendships broken by our vanity
Broken legs
Broken cars
Worlds broken by our wars
Broken children
Broken thoughts
Flowers die in broken pots
Broken pets
Broken tears
Childhood broken by your fears
Broken minds
Broken mirrors
More gets broken through the years

Licking wounds
I was I tiger,
so sexy, so sleek,
so strong.
You shot me,
for no real reason,
so you could play with your big gun.
Do you feel better now?
Do you feel stronger somehow?

I heard you coming,
I heard you cock the gun
I could have got away,
could have tried to run
but I TRUSTED you
so now look what you've done.

I crawled off into the darkness
favoring one leg
You should have shot to kill
instead of causing me this pain.
Now I lay here licking wounds
wondering if I'll ever see the day
when I can trust another man
till then you'll be my prey.

unseeing eyes

People look at your face
but that does not mean
they see who you are.
People hear the words you say
but that does not mean
they listen to your dreams.

They will never understand
the feelings that
you want them to see for themselves.
How can you show them
when you
can't even see yourself?

If I came to you in my time of need,
Would you open the door wide?
Would you slam it in my face?

If I laid down next to you,
Would you hold me tight?
Would you roll the other way?

If my back itched like crazy,
Would you scratch it?
Would you laugh at me?

If I told a stupid joke,
Would you laugh anyway?
Would you tell me I was dumb?

If my leg was broken,
Would you carry me?
Would you walk away?

If I called you at 3 AM,
Would you talk to me?
Would you just hang up?

If I cried for hours,
Would you kiss away the tears?
Would you ignore me?

If I had another bad day,
Would you listen to the story?
Would you pretend not to notice?

If I drank "a little too much",
Would you hold my hair out of the way?
Would you laugh and point?

If I woke up screaming,
Would you tell me "it's ok now"?
Would you make me move to the couch?

If I had a broken heart,
Would you fix it for me?
Would you break it more?

If I gave my heart to you,
Would you treasure it always?
Would you treat it like a toy?

I ripped out your heart today
and crushed it with the weight of the past.
You trusted us
and we betrayed you.
How could I have lied to you for so long?
You needed to know the truth,
and that I never meant to hurt you.
Sometimes things just.......
Nobody ever knows why.
Sometimes I'm just stupid.
Sometimes I drink too much.
I'm not defending myself to you,
I'm trying to justify for myself...
I'll understand if you hate me now,
because I hate myself.
I'm sorry it took so long......
He said you should hear it from him.
(But he never said when....)
Maybe your love can see you through this,
maybe someday you'll trust again.
I'm so sorry I did this to you....
I'm sorry he did it too.....
Fuck that.......
I'm sorry WE did this to you.
I guess it was kind of a joint effort....
that we weren't trying to do.
I can't apologize enough
You really should hate me.....
So why are you still my friend?

the weather in here
It's getting cold outside,
Like it always does this time of year
And you don't make it any warmer.
You don't hold me in your arms.
You wont protect me from the cold.

Maybe I'll just hibernate
Like a bear.
I could crawl into a hole and sleep
Sleep until the cold disappears from within.
But that would be forever.

My heart is freezing
Like the pond in your backyard
And you won't thaw it out.
You don't show me that you love me.
You won't make my heartbeat pound.

Maybe I'll just go south
Like the birds.
I could drive as far as the ocean
Buy a nice big beach house in Florida.
I've heard it's warmer there.
**~Blade in hand~**
As I sit, blade in hand,
dreaming of all I once had,
I make a tiny cut.
Not to kill, only to bleed.
Bleed to know I can still feel.
Pain is all that I have left.

As I sit, blade in hand,
remembering the way we once were,
I make another cut.
I'm still not trying to kill,
I only need to bleed.
Bleed to release the pressure,
thats been building up in me.

As I sit, blade in hand.
thinking about our past,
I cut my wrist again.
I don't want to die,
I just wish to bleed.
Bleed to remember
So someday I can forget.

As I sit, blade in hand,
wanting to take it all back,
I cut another time.
I'm not tyring to end my life,
I'm only trying to bleed.
Bleed to justify the pain
the pain that has consumed me.

As I sit, blade in hand,
repeating the words I said,
I make one more cut
I'm not commiting suicide,
I'm only making it bleed
Bleed to release the guilt
the guilt that just wont leave.

As I sit, blade in hand,
remembering how you died,
I cut and cannot stop.
I'm not killing myself
I'm making myself bleed.
Bleed to give you life again
so someone will be here with me.

As I sit, blade in hand,
watching it drip to the floor,
I make the final cut
I make the cut to end it all
the final choice I'll make.
Bleed to end a life
a life that was a mistake.

You said you'd be there for me.
You acted like you cared.
You gave me a little bit of hope.
You lied.
You treated me like shit.
You destroyed me faith in humanity.

for Bobby
Look at you, you're nothing,
and yet, you're all I see
and destroy my faith in humanity?
Why do I let you get to me?
You've always been so mean.
I love you. I love you.
only to be hurt when you dont?
And take it out on my friends
But I'm tired of playing
how do you always win?
I never ment to let you in.
Will you ever get out?
I'm tired of this shit
but I'll always come back for more.
I have to get away from you
So I can feel free
I hope you die
hurry up before I change my mind.........
Oh shit.
Now he listens to me.......

This is for anyone who has ever lost their inocence WAY too
soon. This is for anyone who has ever had "something"
important forcefully ripped away, if this means you, then
you know what I mean... This is for anyone who has ever had
to bear the weight of shame, because nobody told you it
wasn't your fault.

Hopes are shattered, dreams are torn,faith is stripped away,
don't you ever wonder why you had to be there that day?
Maybe if you had worn something different
if you had walked another route.....
Too many people in this world
exactly what this is about.

Innocence lost, childhood torn, confidence is no more
You would go to the cops, but cant make it out your door
They ask why you had to shower
why didn't you come straight here
Nobody in the station
can understand the shame.

Battered, bruised, broken bones, and tears
the scars will last forever.
Why didnt you try to fight?
Why didnt you run away?
Cant you just do the math...
five of them
and only one of me.............