Ad 2:
2001-12-01 00:27:36 (UTC)


he is sitting in the living room.
rocking back and forth.
in the chair he stained
with his own scent.
and im in here.
i am in here.
i am in here because he is not.
and he is never going to like me.
and he doesnt love me anymore.
people tell me
that a fathers love
doesnt end.
and i think
i think that they are wrong.
i know that they are.
he doesnt love me.
he doesnt even like me.
he doesnt know me.
and i know that he never will.
13 years old.
i dealt with the world hating me.
as well as my fathers own decision
to expel me.
from his life.
his heart.
i am now
no more a part of him.
that strangers who he passes on the street.
and it wont change.
and my sister tells me to keep trying.
but i dont see the point.
its not going to change.
no matter how much i want it to.
and you know.
there really is no way now
that he could change what hes done.
and it sucks.
it sucks to know that.
but you know.
im doing fine without him.
the only time i have a problem with him
is when he talks to me
or touches me
and i hate him.
i do.
i hate him for what hes done to me
how he has affected me.
at least it taught me how i have to be
you know
even thought it sucks.
it was good.
for something.
sometimes i wish though.
that he cared.
just a little bit.
it would give me a sort of peace.
just knowing that he could look around things..
because they are things that i cant change.
you know.
it wont happen.
and thinking aboutit is really very pointless.
which is why i try not to.
hes just another asshole.
in a world full of assholes.
i guess accepting that.
is the only thing i can really do.