crazeddazed

Internet Intimacy
2001-11-30 20:06:38 (UTC)

Hopeful

I am more wary of people these days. I was raised with a
feminist understanding that a girl could be whatever she
wanted, as long as she stays true to herself. But a girl
isn't afforded the luxury of an effective blending of
sexuality and intelligence, no matter what anyone says.
One may use sexuality to their own ends effectively, or as
an assertion of power over something (or someone), thus
belying intellignece. Or one may downplay their physical
attributes to garner more attention towards their mental
ones. But find a woman with a man's frankness and ambition
in the sexual arena, who isn't willing to compromise her
intelligence or self-respect (and who isn't consumed to a
point with competition from other women) and you will see
the lip service flooding in. Aroused? Annoyed? Loathe
it? Most women like to play it's part on occasion.
Reserved only for the bedroom or a night out with the girls
at a bar, of course. Anything else, and it is an
overkill. It is threatnening.

I don't want to play a part. I want to be me. Is there
any way to explain to a feminist that one would hope that
society had advanced far enough to accept both tits and
wits into the equation? Is there any way to assure a
normal woman that I am not just out to 'snag a man'? Is
there any way that the majority of the feminine community
will openly embrace a woman I have described above, a woman
who's attributes I strive to embody? Probably not. And so
I remain at a distance.

It hurts me. I can read manipulation, but not speak it. I
understand when something is being conveyed with a hiss
hiding behind a smile, but I can't reciprocate in kind.
Hurt people, twist them up and toss them away. Myself,
used and broken. No one knows... oblivion.

Yet, I remain hopeful.




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