Absolute Mayhem
2001-11-30 00:33:34 (UTC)

story of a girl

this is the story of a girl....cried a river and drowned
her own world...all cuz her supposed to be mother-like
figure. yeah. there once was a girl who everyone always
envied and was jealous of. all her friends, which were
many, always said that she was sooo lucky and her life was
perfect...but deep was far from it. this girl was
missing her mom. she had a female figure that was older and
cooked supper once and awhile or dropped her off at school
when needed...but other than that....she was just a empty
cold shell with no spirit. her mother had left when she was
around 7. u might have guessed...u might say that
im that little girl in her not so perfect world. my so
called mother...has some internal issues shes never learned
to overcome. my dad sometimes tells me what she was like
back when they first fell in love...she sounded wonderful.
and the years progressed..she started
changing..for the worst. the past couple years have been
the worst. i know i dont help the situation much, but it
gets frustrating not being able to have a mother to turn to
with your problems. i have a dad, who i love very much, and
it makes me soo sad, sometimes ill cry, but he tries soo
hard to pick up the slack from my mom and tries to at least
make sure my mom stays civil. and i dont think he knows or
i could tell him how much i love him for that. my old
teacher/coach from st pats, mr draeger, has been there for
me alot in the past year and a half. hes almost like
another dad. i can go to him with any problem of mine and
he'll listen, console and advise me when i ask for his
opionion. my dad, i can talk to him pretty well.... at
least on most my dad talks to me on the ways
to school sometimes about my mom. he tells me that she
still wont go to counseling or anything and that shes just
got problems and just isnt willing to face them yet. i want
my mother to have help...but she wont hear of it....sigh.
anyway, yeah...adam and i are awesome right now. we very
tite, and i love him to pieces. lol. everyone always says
that we are soo cute and his friends sometimes tell me that
he's so head over heels for me. i love him. weve been going
out for 2.5 weeks now...and if we wouldnt have broken up would have been our 2 month aniversary.
lol. both of us feel that we never broke we went
on a charter bus to go to a grade school basketball game
last nite...and we got the backseat. lol. it was sooo
wonderful. i got to just lay there in his arms while we
talked...and...;-) lol. yup. im just getting to a point
where im starting to be able to tell him about my mom and
how shes not what she seems in public. only like 2 people
in the world are close enough..or have been at one time,
for me to make them fully understand what my mother and
life is like at home. it sucks ass. like tonite...after we
got into like our 3 argument for thenite.... i was shaking
soo bad. i was crying and felt sick to my stomach. im soo
saddened inside when i think about the relationship..or
lack of....between my mother and i. i went downstairs and
just sat there in my chair listening to break stuff while i
just cried. it felt kinda good. lol. and then i went and
sat out in the car in the garage in the dark.... regrouped,
called adam back...then i sat there some more...and came
back down here to my computer... now im listening to linkin
park while i type and tears continue rolling down my face.
i think that linking park and limp bizket and other rock
music is my savior. it keeps me strong and makes me relax
and...well u get the idea. anyway, ive done enough
babbling. adios. pray for my family.